2002-04-16 - 6:19 p.m.

I didn't get the apartment. I was turned down for bad credit. In fact, the apartment manager told me he didn't think anyone would ever take me, and there was nothing I could do, no letters of recommendation I could submit, that would make them reconsider.

So I talked to my current landlord, and lo and behold there was an apartment available in the current building where I'm staying with friends. When I told him about my credit he said he'd have to put in a personal favor and pull some strings to get me in this place.

And this place is a total dump in Koreatown!!! And yet strings will still have to be pulled for me just to live here!!

This is all very disheartening. I had a vision of a beautiful life here in California, and what I got was an apartment in Kraptown.

At least I do have a place to live. I have to say, its lucky at least that I have a place, and the apartment itself has hardwood floors and a great view and my manager here is terrific. So it could be ALOT worse, and I'm grateful.

But driving home today was hard . . . I saw my life stretching out in front of me, coming home fighting traffic through South Central to get back to my apartment in Kraptown . . .Being too broke to go out to special places, being left behind by friends who are moving back to Georgia or going on romantic trips of their own . . . and me letting the summer go by without enough beaching and altogether too much pavement and cigarettes . . .

I CANNOT LET THIS GET ME DOWN. I CANNOT LET MY LIFE GET PAVED OVER (even if I do live in Kraptown.)

I vow to go to the beach or the mountains EVERY weekend.

I vow to go to the Anti-war/Anti-hate protest in San Francisco THIS weekend.

I vow to sign up for classes at UCLA this fall.

I vow to think about silly things.

I vow to buy air freshner that makes my life smell like flowers.