2004-03-19 - 9:03 p.m.

Ok, Here's a brief Re-cap of the content, with links to what I was tripping on. Maybe you can follow the links and read between the lines here for me and get where I'm at.

1)The Miracle of Fatima I've totally been tripping out on this story. Lucia, the little girl who had the visions of the Virgin Mary at age 10 along with 2 other children, is STILL ALIVE. She is a nun. She still lives in Portugal. She believes that the 3rd secret which Mary revealed to her has yet to come to pass. It was revealed by the Pope in 2001, and it predicts the killing of the Pope and many christian holy people, and will perhaps mean the end to the Catholic church as we know it. I also have to interject here that allthough I am not Christian or into Catholocism, I do love Pope John Paul II, he is such a GOOD and loving man. I don't think this will be his end, however, I think it will be one of his two successors.

I Do believe that Lucia actually saw Mary and received these messages from her, and I do believe that Mary came to her, so now I'm left with so many questions - Who is Mary now and where is she? Who is God? If there is a God the god of our planet, or the whole universe? Are there other gods in the universe? Is there no such thing as god? Who are the magical beings/angels that keep appearing to people? Why do they come? Where do they exist when they're not appearing to people?

2)Enochian Mysteries. For those of you who don't know, Enoch was one of the sons of Cain in the Bible, kind of glossed over in the Bible but in one of the early chapters of Genesis there is mention of angels and underground divine beings intermarrying with humans, until God put a stop to it. There was an ancient text found later that was supposedly written by Enoch describing all of this. This has been coming up for me in my Magick class -- We will soon learn about the Enochian mysteries and Magick-- and also it's strange that I am really being exposed to the Bible again and that it came up during a Bible reading for my new job.

3)I have a new part-time job! Yay! it pays really good, it's part-time, I don't have time for it, but I need the money. I'm working for a wonderful wonderful positive woman who is trying to bring love and understanding between people of all faith and cultures, and was called by God to do so. She has received an invitation to meet the Pope and is going to the Vatican at Easter. I am helping her put together performances/Bible readings, as well as helping her with her film and other projects.

4)Magickal Formula learned in Magick Class - I have to share this with the world! Magical formulas are silly, of course because math is just a way of understanding things and bringing order and beauty to the world, but it is just a language overlaying what already IS. But anyway, I thought this was really cool. The formula is actually the beginning of a quantum formula related to energy of some kind, and my teacher has come up with magical connotations for it. Keep in mind that the values for all of elements are supposed to be either zero (not present) or 1 (present). It's a binary thing.

MR=K+E x -(2(F+G+D))

Magical Result=Knowlege+Energy times negative 2 times Fear+Guilt+Doubt

A successful magick session will equal 2, as in the ideal outcome

MR=2

The point of it is that you have to have ZERO fear, guilt, or doubt in order to produce a positive result. If you bring fear, guilt, or doubt into a magick spell, it's just going to backfire negatively, and double. When you have no fear, guilt, or doubt, but you do have knowledge of what you're doing and are well-versed, and you also focus your own positive energy into it, the result is positive and produces results!

5)Egyptian Pyramids - I found out that they found an anti-gravitational device inside that tomb of princes they found a couple of years ago by the Great Pyramid, allthough I heard that on Coast to Coast and I haven't confirmed it. Then, I found that there were hyproglyphics of flying machines actually found there! INCREDIBLE. I believe that the only way the Egyptians could have built the pyramids is with an anti-gravitational device to move the 70 ton stones, but they could have accomplished that by creating polarizing magnetic force between the stone and the ground using a spinning metal wheel. I don't exactly know how it works, but that's the concept. A man in florida was able to build himself a home ALL BY HIMSELF out of 30 ton Coral blocks using anti-gravitational methods. His house is now a tourist attraction called the Coral Castle!

6)MAGIC CASTLE! We went there for Dean's Birthday and it was AMAZING. We saw several different magicians perform, and drank cocktails, and the whole place was just incredibly funky inside and you could just roam around and get lost and run into magical mysteries and secret passageways, all with a cocktail in your hand. FANTASTIC.

7)DEAN. He really should be at the top of this list, I think about him more than all of these other things. I think I've actually found the love of my life, and I am so blown away by the realization of how rare this is and what an amazing miracle it is that someone as amazing as him exists and that we met and that he loves me like I love him, this blows me away. I don't even think I let myself truly feel the depth of my feeling for him, it is too much. He came to stay with me this week and it makes every day feel like the perfect summer day. He tells me that i'm beautiful before I leave for work in the morning, and he says it with such excitement, I am so touched. I spend alot of my time thinking about him and feeling so good about times we've had together and looking forward to the next time I can be in his embrace and getting excited about future conversations and adventures and projects. I wonder why I've been so blessed with Dean in my life, why me? We must be destined to do something great together in the future.

8)Genesis Breyer P-Orridge. He and his partner Lady Jaye have embarked on a whole process of becoming pandrogenous, of becoming one being/identity, re-inventing their identity and what it means to be human and leading the way to the future of human conciousness and existence. Very cool.

Ok, it's 10 pm on a friday, i'm a weirdo for staying at work to type so late when i could be home eating pizza and watching a movie with my girls right now. so i'm going home now!

I love you.