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2000-09-12 - 04:49:57 I'm going through a strange time lately -- kind of numb to the world. I have alot to look forward to - a new life I am building for myself, without Larissa, moving to a new apartment (hopefully), starting a new shift at work, starting to write again, taking photography lessons from Leslie, making art again, progessing with my guitar -- but I find myself still going through the motions in life instead of going through the emotions.I had the most lovely weekend-- I went to Huntsville to see Larissa and bring her car back, which at first I didn't want to do simply because I was tired and wasn't looking forward to the drive. But I'm glad I went -- we really hung out and being with her felt like the old days, like when the apartment was just the two of us and we were two single girls out on the town living for the moment -- it was fun. We ran into two of the most open minded thought provoking individuals I have met in a long time -- they looked like total rednecks but turned out to be more intellectual and more sincere than anyone I've met in the city in a long time. It was refreshing. We were supposed to go with them mushroom hunting on Sunday which I was all about-- but then they ended up backing out of the plan and I was genuinely dissappointed because I enjoyed their company, and also because I could use some mushrooms right about now - to lift my spirits and also to save to eat when Larissa and I are at the Grand Canyon in October -- I really want our trip to be memorable and to touch us in every direction -- but I know it will anyway-- So then I ended up back in Atlanta drinking with Leslie and Jim, my two most favorite people here now And my time spent with them is good but in general a malaise descended on me the moment I re-entered Atlanta - and now I am numb. I see now why people get puppies -- because really how can you take your life so seriously when you've got a puppy nuzzling you and licking your face and saying "Hi! Hi! I missed you! You're the coolest! Can I lick your face? Can I? Can I nuzzle you? MMMM! Love me! Scratch me? Yes! Snuggle! Play! Yes! Yes!" Sometimes Jim is a wonderful puppy to me. But a puppy isn't what I really want. I just want to keep feeling and instead I am just adding layers of numb, like sweaters and blankets My real dream these days is to buy myself some layers of Western Clothes on my trip with Larissa. I want a black felt cowboy hat. I want a long skirt, like what Annie Oakley wore, that's white and flowing and floor length but that hangs low on my hips I want a tight vest or a shirt that shows my middrift and I want to layer myself funky and I want to work on a dude ranch some day. previous /next |
