2000-11-20 - 20:31:31

Friday night I went to Glitterdome, which is the closest thing Atlanta has to New York's Glam Rock scene. It's a show that happens once a month and its like what i imagine Studio 54 would have been in New York in 1979. Everyone is dressed to the 9s and in their most outrageous garb - the show is different drag performers with a rock and roll band (The GlitterDome All-Stars) backing them up. But they're not just any queens -- these are truly amazing performers in the most fantastic costumes doing all the best rock and roll - Unfortunatly I can't do the show justice because I don't even remember the names of the performers -- but to give you a taste of what it was like, one performer was a young japanese woman from New York City with an incredible blue-green sparkly futuristic hair-do playing a black electric violin with the rock band -- and she was playing Enter Sandman by Metallica!!! Just INCREDIBLE.

So before Glitterdome I stopped by my friend Brandon's party where I ran into some old friends and it felt good to see them -- I hadn't seen this one boy Ari since last spring and he was just so friendly to me. I told him I had been busy and I was lonely and he just said - Why are you lonely? How could you possibly be lonely? You have so many friends who are just Dying to hang out with you? You could have called me anytime? And I realized that my isolation really has been by choice. So my friend Michelle and I ate our rolls (pure MDMA mind you) and we went off to Glitterdome.

About the time we arrived my roll started to kick in and I was feeling wonderful. Then I saw Ari and for the first hour we hung out together. Ari is from Isreal and he is so intelligent and is sooo handsome and I have been wanting to get to know him better for a long long time. (A few months ago me and Ari were hanging out in a bar and I passed Ari a little note on a napkin that read: "Do you like me? Check one: yes, no, maybe. Would you like to go on a date with me? Check one: yes, no, maybe." And Ari checked yes on both questions! But I don't know why I haven't called him -- I guess I was just always busy with some other plans with Larissa and Jim and lost track of time) So Ari was looking fabulous and my roll started to kick in and we went up near the stage and started danceing together and making out and touching each other and I even asked him if he wanted to go home with me . . . I was serious too -- I really did want to sleep with him and I would have -- but somehow after the FANTASTIC show I went to go sit down and he and I never saw each other again that night. i dunno if he left without saying goodbye on purpose, or if he just never saw me or found me, or if he thought I gave him the shaft or what -- hmmn I will call him this week and find out . . .

Meanwhile, I went out and found my friend David dressed as Nancy Sinatra in this glassed in window booth doing a Fashion show - The whole time Nancy was changing clothes and modeling them as if the window were a mirror -- we could see her but she acted as though she couldn't see us at all, it was lots of fun and David looked spectacular. I spent most of the rest of the evening talking with David and Pauly and Tia, who are the most kind-hearted and fascinating people ever and it was sooo good to see them and visit with them . . . At 4 am when the club closed down I was coming down too and I went home and slept . . .

But it was really good going out because I hadn't rolled in a long time and it felt really really good, and because I hadn't seen my friends in a while and I realized that you have to work to keep friends -- that I have to be a friend to have a friend and I have just been gliding through life lately lonely, but I haven't been really keeping up the friendships I've had for a long time, like with Ari and David and Pauly and Tia.

Saturday after work I went to a poetry slam -- it was soooo inspiring!! I read my work and of course I sucked and I got last place. But it was so fantastic to hear other poets and what's going on in their heads and I realized that there IS literature and art and poetry here in Atlanta, I haven't been seeking it out so its been my fault that I haven't met anyone in that scene -- but it IS there, I just have only to tap into it.

After the poetry thing I hung out with Leslie and Chrissie and we went for drinks at a nearby bar where I happened to run into a lot of guys from my work. As soon as we walked in they bought the three of us a round of shots, and bought us another round a few minutes later. I couldn't believe how generous they were!! I need to learn to be more generous. Anyway, I had a great time and found out that one of the guys is even going to be coming into some mushrooms soon, so that may be a prospect on my horizon - yay!

After the bar Leslie and Chrissie and I took it into our heads to go to the ghetto and pick up some junk, so we did and when we got back to their house they went on the h-train . . . I have seen them like this before but never like this night -- usually the feeling is euphoric and the night is spent in an ebb and flow of conversation and resting - but this night because we were drunk first and because of the strength of it they must have overdosed a bit -- it was heartbreaking to watch. Chrissie kept falling asleep right in the middle of speaking or walking or sitting up or anything - she would just pass the fuck out. She couldn't seem to keep her clothes on and she was passing out naked on the cold concrete floor as if it were a featherbead. Leslie was continually slapping her face and telling her to keep her eyes open -- Leslie was crying and telling me that this is what Chrissie was like the night she died. Chrissie would wake up and tell Leslie not to slap her, that she was fine, not to yell at her, that she was over-reacting, but then she would pass out again. Eventually we all just piled up in bed together because it was closed and we all passed out early in the night.

It was such a surreal experience -- Leslie and Chrissie have always been able to handle themselves in that state with no problem and have been so fun to be around like that - It totally relazes Leslie and she's usually charming and Chrissie is just mellow. But this time I was alarmed and yet I was trying to keep the atmosphere light so they wouldn't feel bad about what was going on -- The next morning Chrissie couldn't remember a thing. I can totally dig where Leslie was coming from and I felt very close to her after that experience - after having seen her care so deeply for Chrissie and after going with her through in some minor sense what it must've been like the time Chrissie OD'ed in New York.

It was strange being with them both too because there was no vibe between any of us (of course not, we're just good pals) but I felt so close to Leslie and I find her so beautiful and sensual -- Its true that if Chrissie were not in her life I would want to start a vibe with Leslie and explore it. I have never felt this way about a woman before, except possibly with Larissa, and I don't find myself falling "in love" with Leslie at all and I definitly don't lust after her the way I find myself wanting to get in a man's pants -- but I still feel attracted to her and charmed by her.

All in all it was a strange drug-filled weekend, but good. I realized that drugs do have a place in my life, not for escapism but for kicking me out of my self-pitying rut and for helping me remember what its like to feel good. And I saw all the old friends I had missed for many months and realized that I can have a life here on my own, that it is possible for me to be happy here if I want to be.

I realized that a year ago this week was "Thanksgiving" - the week that I refer to whenever I mention to my friends about "Thanksgiving" -- A year ago this week Jim and I were living in Vancouver and Larissa and Ryan came to visit us the same week - and the 4 of us stayed at my father's home and did x and Ryan broke my heart and things went horribly wrong between all of us and we all started our journey of heartache and growning up. A year ago this week.

I can't believe its been a friggin year already. My time flies. And this year I am nowhere near my dearest friends Larissa and Jim and that makes me sad. But there's always New Years . . .

My mom comes into town tomorrow and I dearly love her but at the same time I am dreading it. I just started smoking this year and she doesn't know I smoke -- so I either have to completely hide it from her (not likely) or take the brow-beating that will come with her baby girl puffing cancer-sticks (my grandparents both died of lung cancer). Wish me Luck.