2000-12-23 - 09:20:56

In the same night, I happened to open a package from my dad (Teresa, my beloved sister who might read this page, please don't tell) which happened to contain a macintosh ibook. I am thrilled! Now i can write and update from home at any time!!!

So tonight, Larissa was supposed to gly into Atlanta and fly out again the same night. But her plane was delayed and so she ended up spending the night here. So Leslie and Chrissy and I went to the airport and picked her up, and then we went to the Highlander (as is our custom) and had some drinks. Shots of Jaegermiester insued. I admit, I am drunk. But only because my tolerance for aalcohal is low again because my friends left town and I am drinking with pussies again.

Anyway, it was a good night. It was so natural to see Larissa here, at times it felt really normal, like time had not passed at all and this was any Friday night. But other times it was totally freaky, I felt handicapped, paralyzed, like I was waking up from a frozen dream.

I miss Larissa, what can I say except she is special, she is herslef, she is so feeling and so beautiful and in comparison I felt like a total goober, like I had not lived, like my life here is so . . . mundane.

I miss her. Seeing her for a few hours is not enough. I can't wait to go to Cali for New Years, but even that is not enough. I felt liminal . . . I felt right . . . I felt that momentary rush of passion for living that makes me realize I am glad I'm alive.

Meanwhile, as I write this and as I am drunk, I also think of Steev. And I think I will write him a letter, an email, and tell him how much I treasure the time spent with him, and how much I look forward to spending time with him and perhaps be with him in the future. Cheesy, I know, but life is so fucking short. Why waste time? Why make him guess how I feel? Why play it "safe" when I could be really sharing with him the excitement I feel in knowing him. Perhaps I am making a mistake, but if so, then bring it on, bring on the sad consequences, because I am prepared for rejection as always, but if I were in his shoes, I would want to feel valued and appreciated especially in the absence of each others presence since I will not get to see him really until after New Years.