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2001-08-28 - 2:36 p.m. I went to my first "interview" today for an internship at a publishing house. I looked good and the meet and greet went well except I made some major blunders -- I just dropped by and forgot to call first! Also, I made a big fat TYPO in my cover letter. And in the interview the guy tricked me a little - he asked me if I was working on a novel myself and so of course I said yes - it came so naturally. But then I realized later that is probably a big turn-off to a publishing house because they get lots of people wanting to volunteer, just to make connections.So I feel really stoopid. Because I've probably blown my chances with this press, and its really the one I want to work for the most. There are only 3 others in town . . .Aaack! What will I do if I don't get my foot in the door in one of these places? My big plan will be blown. I just can't come to terms with mediocrity in my life. Working anywhere other than where I really want to be seems like total failure. I just don't know how to go about fitting myself into "the real world." I just won't be happy with myself if I'm 30 years old (or 40 or 50) and in the same fucking place I'm in now. I don't need fame. I would be content travelling around the country in a band that never made it big, or writing novels that noone ever read, so long as they were published somewhere. So long as I was doing something I believed in. The one thing I've realized is that noone can make their dreams happen on their own. It takes connections and breaks from other people. It takes collaboration with others. It takes knowledge and advice from others. And I just don't know where to start with all of this . . .I'm so lost. On the other hand I've realized too that only you can make your dreams happen. That nobody, and I mean nobody, out there really gives a shit. If you're going to do it, you've got to do it all by yourself. Noone is going to give you the answers, or give you the breaks, you've got to make it happen for yourself. Contradictory advice and lessons totally - yet both hold true at the same time. Its a tough world. previous /next |
