2001-09-25 - 1:04 a.m.

And then it hit me. I don't know exactly when. Friday, I think. Friday I got out of bed. And went out with my new Vancouver friends. And started the path to my new philosophy.

And then Saturday, maybe it was Saturday night really that it all sunk in. I was talking to Jim on the phone in LA. And it was Larissa's birthday. And I was so pumped! And it had been 2 days in a row that I had gotten out of bed. And we talked - and JIm was sooo sweet (he's really growing up! His voice is sounding deeper and more grounded every time I talk to him), he was like - I just want to know you're happy. Enjoy Vancouver. Enjoy your life.

And I've gotten out of bed feeling GRRRRREAT 2 days in a row since! So here it is, my new philosophy:

That we take it all for granted that the sun comes up. Really -- We all count on it. We're sure it will come up again in the morning. But really, we have no way of KNOWING. There is always the (improbable, but not impossible) chance that tomorrow, it won't.

And that THIS day might be the last day of my life. TODAY. Might be it. You never know. It could be. A plane could crash into my building and that would be it, you know. Stranger things have happened.

So I've started waking up in the morning and instead of thinking: "Man, I can't believe you're 25 and you're not a rock star yet and your book isn't finished yet and your friends are far away you're so lame!" Now I wake up in the morning and I think "Wow, a new day. The sun came up today! And this is it. This is my day to be ME. There is so much to do and see and be and I get to do it! I get to live today!"

And everything has been so sweet.

So today -- Today was the best day of my life. Everyday is, really. And today was no exception.

Today the sun came up. And I took my little computer outside on the porch so I could sit in the sun. And it felt good. And I wrote a little. Not a lot -- but if this were the last day of my life I would have some good writing to leave behind. And I was nice to my Dad. And sweet to my friends on the phone. And Larissa called too and I talked to her. And I savoured it all -- feeling so lucky that if this was the last day, I've been in contact with all my loved ones and they know I care. Then I got dressed, and I looked good. I felt pretty. I drove in my car (Tucumcari) and my car is a stickshift, and man it feels good to drive. And I went into the city at night -- -and its such a gorgeous city, it shimmers all over and I drove over the bay and I thought-- How lucky am I to live in a place like this? So beautiful.

Then I went to my friend Grahams house. Long story short, I met him a few weeks ago, he's a total sweetheart, we had sex, no big whoop, and then we have been just friends.

But he has this roomate. This total SEXPOT of a Roomate. Just my type. His name is William. He wears super tight black pants, like a rockstar, with a big belt that hangs down low on his hips. HOT. And tight rocker T-shirts or artsy shirts. He would look gay -- except he's such a MAN. HOT. And Black dyed hair all teased -- Not so big as Robert Smith but definitely an intensional rockstar look. And He's an artist. He paints beautiful paintings. And he's only 23 (younger than me only by a year and a half!) And he's soooo funny and witty and well read and intelligent blah blah blah I could go on and on. And by Canadian nature, he's a super super nice guy. Who likes Rock and Roll. And Art. Who's not afraid to be artistic/painter/hangs out with gay guys --- and still be a rocknroll man. Just exactly my perfect combination.

So I get to Grahams house tonight and Graham and Katie have just left -- I just missed them. Will opens the door looking stunningly HOT in his normal tight panted attire this time complete with a little black leather jacket that has feaux leopard fur around the collar. So I find out they'd all left and I ask Will for directions and as I'm walking out the door I turn back around and say -- smooth as I can possibly be --

"Will, One more thing --Would you like to go out sometime for a drink with me?"

And he smiled and said "Yes, give me a shout"

And I said "I'll do that -- We've got busy schedules but we'll find the time" and I flashed him a smile and he joked back

"Sure, call me, we'll have to "do lunch" and it was all good.

So I scored. Big time. All I have to do is call this guy back in a week or two and be like "How about that drink?" and its a date.

So I'm happy -- because even if nothing ever happens with this guy -- I enjoyed having the butterflies in my stomach tonight. I enjoyed my triumph of spontaneous smoothness.

Then I went out to a meeting for the little startup flyer-zine that my friends are putting together for East Vancouver. And I was all prepared for the meeting and we delegated responsiblity and I get to be the EDITOR! Not the Sr Editor/Publisher -- but one step below. They all have confidence in me and this is just the experience I need! Plus I'm getting two little articles published in the upcoming issue -- One blurb about a community event and the other a short article entitled "How to Crush Beer Cans with Your Breasts". So I'm pumped. Life is good.

Then I had a couple of beers with my friends. And you know, they're fun and they're smart and they're nice people and they like me. It doesn't get any better than that, really. That's as good as it gets. People who like you and that you like and that you enjoy being with. (well, it does get a little better when you're with your BESTEST friends, but on the whole, good people are good friends and that's the most you need)

Then later on I drove home across the bridge, same night sky , same glittering lights and it was beautiful. And I'm going up a gear in my car and I turn up the radio and its Guns 'n' Roses "Patience" on the radio. It really doesn't get better than that.

This was the best day of my life.