2001-12-16 - 6:07 p.m.

It was raining here in North Vancouver, but then we took the Gondola ride to the top of the mountain where it was snowing. There is no way at all to get to the top of the mountain except by gondola - and the gondola has a capacity for 100 people. Its such a strange futuristic experience to be hoisted in the air with 100 people, dangling over trees and coming out of the rain and into the snow.

The top of the mountain was a completely different universe. The snow on the roof of the lodge was at least a foot deep. I have never seen snow like this in my life - and I've been skiing in Colorado and New Mexico plenty of times. But I mean, this was SNOW! Snow coming down so fast that it gathered an centemeter on the ice rink every 3 minutes! Everything looked completely WHITE and so FLUFFY. Because you can only get to the lodge by gondola, there was no dirty snow at all because people weren't tracking dirt from any parking lot -- everywhere the snow was as WHITE as could be! PURE SNOW! AMAZING!

It was after dark, but the lights on the mountain were very bright, and there were christmas lights everywhere. The only buildings were the lodge, (which was so fabulously warm and inviting and picturesque) and the ice skate rental shack and a big log cabin labled SANTA'S CABIN! There were actually REINDEER hanging around in a corral out back of Santa's Cabin! There was an outdoor ice rink that wasn't being groomed by a machine, like an indoor rink would be - Instead the ice rink was totally naturall looking with no fence around it at all - the only edge was where the hand shovelled snow taken off the rink had built up around the edges - BEAUTIFUL.

Being there was so magical, I was completely entranced. This is what people think of, when they think of CANADA. The snowy ski resort where everyone is so so so nice.

I am thrilled I got to go there with my family before I left -- and I did have such a good time skating with my family, and taking a sleigh ride with them, and having hot chocolate - I'm lucky to have such a good family and to have had such a warm fuzzy (or white and fluffy as the case may be) day with them.

In the evening, I went to Graham's Christmas Party. It started out like any other party - where I look fabulous and buzz around stirring up interesting conversation and making sure people have full cocktails. Of course it degenerated into the drunken rumpus that happens when you put a few too many drinks in me. I kissed a boy under the mistletoe, then couldn't get him to leave me alone - I taught Katie to beer-can-crush with her breasts- and I obnoxiously demanded that people give me their cigarettes.

I never want a party to end, so I dragged 3 boys and one girl with me and Katie back to katie's house to drink her alcohol after the party was over. It was a 13 block walk. But you know, it was still fun. Katie is such a good sport about everything, and so fun to be around - I really treasure her company so much. She's really the star of the whole show up here - She's fabulous.

When we got to katie's house, the boys turned out to be lame. I should have known, and this party has taught me one very very valuable lesson about partying and picking up boys. I need to pick up the boys I like, not the boys that like me. Hopefully I can pick one up some day where the liking is mutual.

I am such a sucker for any kind of flattery at all, I guess I really need it or seek it out or something - so at parties I tend to hang out with the guys that are really nice but not fabulous because I know I can easily earn their praise, and I like to be complimented But then later in the night I'm bored with them. I'm better off just being friendly to everyone, and making a point to hang out with the guys I actually want to know.

There was one guy at the party last night, Justin, who is so beautiful. 25 years old, a writer and a print maker, beautiful, beautiful. The last party I went to at this house was on Halloween, and he was there. We hung out and had such good conversation - we really hit it off. At the end of the night I kissed him. I was just sitting on the couch and I kissed him. And it was a fantastic kiss. Really fantastic. We were in front of everyone at the party, so it didn't continue. I went to the kitchen to fetch a beer. I met him in the kitchen and he thanked me for the kiss, and looked flattered and so so beautiful. I asked him if he wanted another one, and he told me no, because he was at the party with Erin, his ex-girlfriend - They had dated intensely for 4 years and had just broken up a month ago -

I saw him again last night. he looked so beautiful. Erin was there. I was embarassed by having kissed him, because It was really a pushy thing to do, and especially since I should have guessed that he came with Erin to the last party. Justin asked me for a cigarette and I said "For you, of course" and gave him one. But I quickly turned around and made conversation with another boy, instead of taking that as an opportunity to start a conversation with him. Later I saw Erin kissing another man. I pulled Erin aside to apologize for kissing her man Justin when I was at the Halloween party -- and you know what she said?

Erin told me it was a very bold and liberating thing to do. That she was thrilled that I was so fearless and open, and that Justin was getting attention from someone. It made my heart feel so good to see her be so happy about the whole thing and we made friends. She told me that Justin hadn't dated anybody since her, and that her new boyfriend was here at this party too and Justin hadn't met him before tonight, so things were awkward for her and Justin, and that he had hoped I might be at the party, and so had she. What a nice thing for her to say! She's really an amazing person - one that I would like to get to know if I were gong to stay

I immediately went to find Justin, but alas, he was gone by that time. He had come to the party early but left when his heart was breaking too much to stay, to see Erin with another man. But it wasn't just that Erin was with another man - the other man was a real glam rock kind of guy, a hardcore partier in the art scene, the opposite of beautiful earthy writer Justin. I didn't like her new man either.

So what was the point abut the story of Justin, the boy I don't know and will never see again? the point is that I was right to put myself out there and kiss him at the last party - that I was right to follow my instincts. And at this party I had avoided him BECAUSE I liked him, because I wanted to avoid awkwardness. And I missed out on at the very least some good conversation. So I need to trust my instincts, instead of hanging out with lesser fruit.

And I also mention Justin, because it gave me hope that I could like someone. (I liked the rockstar panted boy this fall too, but he turned out to have a serious girlfriend) Everytime I meet a boy I actually wholeheartedly am attracted to and like, I get excited, because it doesn't happen often --- but this just shows me once again that it can and will happen again, when I least expect it.

And today, I woke up with a hangover in Katie's bed! And it was wonderful - i actually enjoy hangovers sometimes because it gives me an excuse to pamper myself. Today I spent the morning with another of katie's friends and we laughed and snuggled under the covers and went for breakfast together in the afternoon - and now I'm home indulging in some diary time . . .

Its only 2 weeks until I leave for LA . . . I'm still so excited! I hope that if I don't go to the peace corps, that I will let myself settle there . . .because I realized today that I have the basis of a good community of friends and aquaintances, and that it has only taken 3 months to build this - In a year I would have a highly developed network such as this and that's all it takes to really feel good in a place. But nothing can replace Jim and Larissa in my life, and the promise of palm trees - and so I go to LA. But you know I'm getting in the mood to stop somewhere a while . . .