2003-03-27 - 5:59 p.m.

She was very blaze about the whole thing and I had to explain to her that I knew people who had spent YEARS trying to get a break, that she was obviously DESTINED FOR SUCCESS! So me and La bought her a bottle of Jack Daniels and we all had cocktails on the patio last night to celebrate!

In other news, just as the world blows up I've chosen this moment to quit smoking. Perfect timing! I quit when I got sick, and then I've been having one when I feel like it. (No sense in denying myself totally and then considering the project a failure when I break down and have one). I haven't had too many, but last night I had a few with my cocktails, and it was just right. And I stopped before I had too many. And I've stopped my cigarettes on my daily drives to and from work. This is going well, and I'm proud of myself. It's not as easy as it sounds.

I had a talk with Marisol today about my writing. She has nothing to do with it, I usually don't talk to her about anything of the kind. But today I talked to her a little about it and she started asking me what I considered to be irrelevant and pushy questions. I was immediately enraged, under the surface of course, Marisol had no idea, which leads me to wonder why it is that my buttons can so easily be pushed from the slightest criticism from even uninformed people?

Just what is it I'm protecting? I really think my plans are the right ones for me. But it's hard not to clam up and get puffy when people think I should be working at a faster pace, should try and sell my work too soon, should write about more important subjects, should write in different genres etc. To Marisol, and the whole world i say: Piss off!! It's MY dream, not yours! And Don't tell me I'm too old to make my dreams come true! Because I can make myself happy at any time and at any age! SO THERE.

Whew! That felt real good.