2003-04-16 - 6:07 p.m.

So instead I'm going to list briefly the things that have happened to me as a trigger for me writing future entries:

-drove to Dean's house, spent the weekend in Santa Cruz, listened to the radio, was amazed to hear about the secret tunnels under bagdad and the way the nomadic bedoins (sp?) still live in Iraq

--saw alot of La last week and was touched by how much she has reached out to me as a friend the last few weeks, am gaining deeper respect for her

--went to the power house on Friday night as Ronnie is moving away. Was my Party Self. Met crazy people and established deep friendships, all in the space of 1 hour, 6 cocktails, and 10 cigarettes. Recieved delightful email from new friend this week.

--My weekend with Dean: Went to the Lingerie Museum at Fredricks of Hollywood. Walked home and phenomenal sex. Then went to the Masonic Museum. It was closed and we got in using a secret knock on a secret door. "Security Guard" was an 80 year old woman. Greeted full-sized wax figure of George W. Bush. Security codger let us into the secret library, where we saw Babylonian cuniforms and books on magic. Note to self to write a full-on article/short story about this experience. Kissed Dean in the Elevator. Felt more in love than I've ever been in my life. Went to Olvera street and saw voodoo items and ate the best churro of my life. Went home and got high and watched Barbarella with Dean. Both fell asleep because we were so tired, even though we really had hoped to get it on. (I was wearing fur trimmed underwear after all.) 2:30 in the morning woke up and growled at La, who was inconsiderate. Woke up and showered with Dean. Tried to give him a hand-job for the first time (I'm really innocent about some things. I'm eager to learn, however). Stopped because of possible noise-making. Went out to the mall in Little Tokyo. Totally tripped out on Japanese culture. Jealous of Dean going there in June. Went to see Cowboy Bepop, one of the first Japanime I've ever seen. I was totally impressed. Kissed Dean and smoked on the patio for like ever before he had to drive home. Missed him like crazy the instant he left.

---Had the worst nightmare of my life at 2:30 that morning. Worked for a community center after an apocolypse, when lawlessness was rampant. A huge old mansion was the new center, and it was run-down. Fine during the day, but I had to spend the night there - and that was when it was broken into and I was brutally raped by 3 men. I knew I was dreaming but it was still psychically damaging. In the dream I ran into Larissa and begged her to slap me awake because I was still sleeping and still undergoing the torture of what had happened, but she wouldn't wake me. I finally was able to actually wake myself. I called Dean, but he was on the road. Larissa came home soon after, from being out on a date with a new man, and I told her about my dream and she dished about her date and I got no sleep but I felt much much better.

--Got treated baaaaaad by Bougesuoi (sp?)Pig. They have this horrendous art exhibit of black and white photos of women being cruelly tortured, possibly for sexual gratification. I was so disturbed when I saw it, that I left, and called the Pig later to tell them they were going to lose business, because who wants to have coffee and gab gayly with thier friends while they're looking at torture? But they were mean to me on the phone, actually telling me they didn't want my business, calling me "honey" and hanging up on me. I went back yesterday to speak to the manager, and he was an even bigger jerk, telling me that I got treated bad because I was a bitch. I walked out and will boycott this joint forever. Am going to write an article for LA Weekly titled "Bougesouis Pig lives up to its name" and will write a letter to the better business bureau. They shouldn't get away with being so mean to a girl.

--sick about the war. We're going to Syria now. Rumsfeldt, Ashcroft, et all are CRUEL and EVIL. Thrilled that the POWs were released, and I even cried when I heard that, but sad that other POWs were killed. Scott Spiecher is still out there? Vowing to campaign for Howard Dean or the green or democratic party hard core in the next presidential election. feeling impotent otherwise.

--Acted in another movie! Leslie is PA for this terrible grad student director who took the whole film crew to mexico but didn't even allow them to get a hotel room or even have a beer! Leslie needed extras for a scene so she asked all the girls to do it. We went down there, thinking we were going to be the background, and ended up filming an entire scene in which we were supposed to ad-lib a girl's night out! Of course we were old friends, so the ad-libbing turned to story-telling and I told the story of how Jim and I were kicked out of Masquerade in Atlanta for having intercourse in the photo-booth. Then I told about the fantastic Cindy. I hope she never sees the film. She won't though, becuase it won't go anywhere. But It was ALOT of fun to make. I can't wait to see it!

--May 4 at Egyptian Theatre is the premier of Chrissy's film, which I saw this week, and am totally AMAZED by. That woman was born to direct and edit film. I watched it with Dean and it brought me joy to be there when he saw it.

--Ry broke up with Leslie and is moving to LA after all!!! Will wonders never cease! Not sure if he's going through with it, but La says he really did make up his mind. WOW. I might actually get to be his friend again! This is major major major news! Or at least it would have been 2 years ago, before the lapse in our friendship and the introduction of the love of my life.

--recieved magnet and invitation in the mail to beloved friend's wedding in Seattle. I'm pleased as punch, brimming with pure JOY, and thrilled to be invited and to attend!

--sent my resume in for a Production Assistant job in Vancouver. Feeling oooky about it since I don't want to go away for 6 months (while the film and mini-series are being shot). But the money is too good, and I need money to travel, pay bills, and go to grad school. We'll just have to see about this one. Aimed Dean about it and felt extremely crummy when I realized DUH he wouldn't be happy to see me leave the country without him. Felt weird about discussing this on Aim. He said he was fine. I have to take him at his word on this. Sense deeper tension, but don't like to make to much out of nothing, so I'm letting it go.

--had a good idea with Dean about a possible small business making eclectic meditation pieces involving a collage of images and special junk sewn or glued onto something that could be tacked on the wall, for meditation, art, or magic purposes, like the voodoo thingies you see in Mexican religious stores, only my own creations. These would be fun to make, cheap to make, and would be totally original and shippable via the internet. Will probably never follow through on this idea, but maybe for spare money to travel and go to grad school with, i might one day get on the stick about this.

--have decided to get on the stick about finding a new job. Wrote the methods section of a community assessment report for work this week. HUGE document. Did a fucking great job. Boss took all credit. Made me feel crummy. She has no idea, and bought me pizza anyway. Possible transfer not offered until July. Must find happier job. Made a magic symbol with Dean to meditate on about this. We'll see.

---Decided to collaborate on 2 screenplays with Jill. One of hers (brilliant! funny! comic genius! excellent storyteller!) and one of mine, which i want to be more my own but with her help shaping the story. We decided to meet every wednesday. Wednesdays start next week. Will feel better about myself just going out and talking about actually writing anyway. Meetings will be at Stir Crazy. Fuck the B. Pig!

--Eager to get started on short story re: The Holy Grail. I happen to know where it is. TRUE STORY. Will write it out exactly as I know it, only everyone will asumme it's fiction. Will be sure to post here on th web so everyone will know this TRUE STORY.

--Wonder if Dean knows how much I really love him. Suspect he does. Can't believe he says the things he does to me. Once this weekend he actually said, comicly but sincerely "Your slightest wish is my life's mission." Ditto, my man. I get choked up thinking about how tender it is between us sometimes. I am so happy.

--got a card from Carolyn & Paul Wayne that read "HAPPY EASTER SWEET BUNNY". Made my day. My favorite cousins. I LOVE THEM.

--got 2 emails from readers of this diary, didn't know anyone ever read this diary, and was so touched that the world is so connected and that someone who doesn't know me would bother with this little diary. It made me really happy.

Ok, I really have to go. I've stayed an hour after work after all. But it feels good to get it out! I really am happy . . . and I send out my love vibes to the world

*MWAH*