2003-04-30 - 2:35 p.m.

I've been hearing about alot of weddings this summer of friends. I've been having discussions with my girls lately about marriage, and I think I finally boiled down my reasons for actually wanting to get married someday (unlike the girls).

My girls all say they don't believe in marriage because if you love someone, and you are committed to each other in your heart, that there is no additional need to get married. And the government or a church shouldn't ever stick their hands on people's private lives.

I can dig where they are coming from. But I think of marriage as totally different. Marriage to me isn't the committment between two people. That's love and companionship and respect, and you don't need marriage for that, and having a wedding can't change the relationship between two people. Marriage is the cultural tradition that we can choose to participate in or not.

And I think when you think of it that way, having a wedding is no different than other cultural traditions. You participate in cultural traditions for 1)fun and 2)to share the experience with family/friends.

For example: We have funerals, but that doesn't change the fact that the person is dead. The funeral is a ritual, a cultural tradition, for the purpose of sharing the experience with friends and family. It has no meaning to the dead. But it brings people together for shared meaning.

Another example: a Quincinera or a BahMitzva -- A girl will turn 15 regardless of whether or not her parents throw her a party. A boy will become a man regardless of whether he has a public ritual. But these are traditions that are both fun and allow the family and friends to share in the experience.

Or Christmas: There is no reason that non-christians should celebrate this holiday. But I chose to. Because it's fun, and because it's a cultural tradition that allows me to spend time with friends and family.

So, following that logic, I have decided that someday I want to have a wedding. Not because I need to have the government sanction of a marriage license, but because if I love someone so much that I want to share my life with them, why not throw a big party and celebrate that with everyone we know and who loves us! Life is too short not to have as many reasons for getting together, and partying, as possible.