2003-05-19 - 10:08 a.m.

And after being in river water and sun yesterday my skin is all soft today. I put buttercream lotion on this morning and now I smell like vanilla and butter and sugar. I love the way being outdoors makes you feel so in your body, so sensual.

Friday Leslie and Chrissy and I drove to Santa Cruz. We arrived at 3 something in the morning and Dean had gotten liquor for us to make cocktails - very thoughtful! And very appreciated. We drank cocktails and talked until after dawn -- it's been a long time since I've done that, it felt very old-school.

Saturday we all slept in practically the whole afternoon -- which was also a welcome break from the rigourous wake-up-early schedule Leslie and I have going on during the week. And I think it was good for the girls to have a bedroom to themselves, privacy, no one waking them up. In the afternoon we showed them Santa Cruz, then went to a movie. The town is so lovely, full of flowers and hippies, it was just a picture-perfect day.

In the evening we busted out with the Ouija board. It was a strange experience. Dean and I tried it once before, and at that time nothing happened with the board, but we both felt such a strong spiritual presence in the room that we kinda got scared and anyway we stopped. This time, I felt nothing at all, no weird energy, nothing . . . and yet the little pointer just flew across the board. It was hard to tell whether we were tapping into anything (I didn't feel anything) or whether just the energy the four of us were putting out onto the board, the force of our will and the supreme slipperyness of the pointer caused things to happen. Leslie says that normally the pointer floats. This didn't float, and it was going back and forth to the same letters over and over . . . It's really a mystery that we will never figure out, I guess. It wasn't such a powerful experience that I'm too concerned. It was alot of fun, though!

Sunday Dean and I slept in late and just rolled around with each other and had more sex and just held each other kissing and smiling . . .

In the afternoon we met up with Aaron and Gabriella and they showed us this terrific little swimming hole up in the mountains. I really love Gabriella and Aaron, they're my favorites of Dean's friends and I know if I actually lived in Santa Cruz they would become my friends too, there's something unspoken that we understand about each other, and plus Aaron just cracks me up. I'm glad they got to meet Leslie and Chrissy.

We drove up a mountain highway, stopped, hiked for a while, crossed a small river by wading through it, hiked some more, and came to another bend in the river where there was lots of sand and a big rock to sun on, and a ropeswing!! I had never swung from a ropeswing into the water before. The water was c-c-cold, but the ropeswing was thrilling!!

I had never been swimming or on any outdoor adventure with Dean before. He took off his shirt and his hair was falling at his shoulders, he was so beautiful. I swam over to a boulder and sat on top of it, looking back at him, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The incredible forest, the river cutting through it, and Dean near to his waist in the water, his back and arms in the sunlight, his long hair falling back, his smile -- he looked like he was the only one in the world, wading into the ganges (sp?) he looked like a young rock star, of the jim morrison variety.

I can't believe that on top of falling in love with someone so funny, smart, perfect for me -- that i'm with someone so HOT.

We went back to the house and my hair was all funky from the river water and nothing mattered, we went to say goodbye to each other in his bedroom and that became an embrace, and the embrace became a spell we didn't want to break . . . and we kissed and smiled and laughed and then leslie and chrissy and I left and drove home and I just felt so gooooood all the way home. It wasn't such a sad goodbye, i'm going to see him thursday and friday we're flying to CANADA!!

When I got home, Larissa was waiting with Jim and it was good to see them, I got such a good vibe from Jim and I can tell he's growing up. And Larissa was so sweet to me --

It was good to have a weekend away from her because I think sometimes we get a little too close for comfort, and it was good to do a little venting and have some validation from Chrissy that I'm not crazy -- but when she was so sweet I realized how much I love her too and I know that now that I've said everything I feel outloud this weekend there won't be a need to do that again. I can start fresh with my appreciation.