2003-06-13 - 5:37 p.m.

Dean and I talked alot about the future of humanity and our planet, life on earth, our lives, technologies, consciousness, (and I was really high on excellent weed, so my mind really floated to grasp new things and make new connections.) I felt this weekend like I could actually feel my neurons firing and my mind stretching to grown and get smarter!

So Dean told me about a man who is already the first "cyborg" in part. He has implanted a circuit-board of some kind in his own fore arm and he can turn the lights in his office on and off just by thinking about it!

And I read in wired magazine that there is an elevator soon to be built based on advances in nanotechnologies, that will basically allow for a ribbons of material to be built as the walls for this elevator stretching 63,000 miles up from the earth to outside its atmospheere! This technology is so inexpensive that the elevator will be built within the next 10 years and it will only cost $200 per pound to send a person to space -- eventually lowering to $10 per pound!

I heard of a encounter with beings in Brazil that lifted a man through his own bedsheets and roof. So whether aliens are from our future, or they're from the 5th dimension, they are contacting us, and through some drug technologies we are breaking through to them.

I read of radionics technologies that will stimulate plant growth and pick up on energy waves of plants, through very simple intention, sometimes only using photographs. So plants have a consciousness, and our world works on all sorts of subtle levels and has laws that we don't even understand.

So the future is upon us!!

And Dean lent me some tapes of Robert Anton Wilson and the Disinformation Interviews book and everything I read has just been rocking my world! Blowing my mind!!

I now understand that you can have anything you want in life, be anything you want in life, by just doing what it is you want to do, and following your bliss in that way, by putting yourself out there in the world over and over, and through the *magic* that is *intention*, which actually works!

And I just feel so hopeful about the future again, like the world, the whole world is speeding up, faster and faster, doubling its knowledge every 18 months, and people all over the world are striving to raise their own consciouness levels, and spark each other, and the world is moving towards this new way of life that we will see in our lifetimes

and I can be a part of it!! We're all interconnected, we're all a part of it, but i can contribute as much or as little as I choose, and why hold back? why not just GO FOR IT!

So I am inspired again, I realize how much there is out there to learn, and how possible my long-term dreams really are when I let go of all the requirements I place upon myself to consider myself a worthy human being by the standards of this fucked up repressive system that is our society.

Basically, I've got to let go of the bullshit i tell myself which weighs me down, such as "I'm no good because I have bad credit" and "I'm no good because I'm only a secretary right now" and "the world will end if everything doesn't go exactly as I've planned it" and "I'm broke therefore I can't have any fun or make any art"

So what is it I want?

I want to be a writer. I want to write about all the synchronicites of the world and the excitement of our times. I want to write fiction and non-fiction and whatever i feel like writing!

I want to try DMT at least once in my life time.

I want to have a companion in life who shares my interests, who is my best friend, who wants the same things out of life, who inspires me and supports me, who is brilliant, who is hopeful and positive and good and kind and compassionate and loving. I have that now Dean.

I want to travel and see the world!

I want to go to space, if I can!

I want to witness the world getting better and brighter, and I want to be a part of that!

All of this CAN and WILL happen. If only you BELIEVE. And Clap your Hands. And Blow Kisses.

Meanwhile, -- I can't even believe it, but the girls and I we got our DREAM HOUSE!!!

Check this out:

4 PARKING SPOTS!!

3 Bedrooms

2 1/2 Baths

2 floors

1 kitchen with every appliance

1 wet bar

1 fireplace

1 patio

All of this inside a HUGE townhouse in the Franklin Hills!! And at a rent I can afford!! And WALKING DISTANCE TO THE TIKI TI!!

It's totally unbelievable! Every night we did some sort of small ritual for the last week leading up to the landlord's decision to choose us, so I think that had a positive effect. Also, La is in PR and she totally negotiated the heck out of it.

We move in June 22!!!

My birthday is June 20!!

I'm happier now than I've ever been. It's good to be alive. I'm not freaking out about my age after all, to my surprise and delight.

One more good good thing: I saw Jim the other night, and he told me he paid off an old credit card we had had together that was $500 dollars! And so I offered to pay half, but he said he just wanted to do something nice for me, that he wouldn't accept my money. It was such a gift, such a present, and so nice of him! And later that night we were sitting out on the patio and he told me how happy he was for me about me and Dean -- it really touched me.

It's like, all of a sudden, everything everything everything is just turning up roses for me, everything is coming together . . . I need to apply for grad school, get a new job, and start my next novel all this week and just ride this wave!