2004-01-23 - 8:02 p.m.

So I told her how much I appreciated her positive attitude, affirmation and encouragement -- and she told me that it became a habit for her in college when she started hanging around a group of friends who were really uplifting towards each other.

And then it came to me: This is how I must start to handle the difficult people in my life! Not just to ignore them, but to actively find positive things to say about them! And maybe this will transform them! I've been at my wits end with a friend whom I care about dearly but whom I just can't seem to get along with lately. Maybe this will be the answer!

So tonight begins the experiment: I am going to transform my relationship with this friend and her behavior towards me by being positive - and not just positive, *complimentary!*

Maybe this will not only cheer her up, but cheer me up too. I've been sick about money and it's just the most un-fun thing to get going round in your head. I have to do what I can about it, and drop the guilt!

I did hear back from my aunt today, who was lots more helpful than I expected, and my mom, who was naturally upset - I shouldn't have told her. Maybe I just flipped out and confessed about the money I owed her because it feels good to confess, it's like a weight off your chest when someone else has to have the decision of how to react to your problems, instead of suffering alone. Next time, I'll be more grown-up about things and not confess unless necessary for the other person. But hopefully there won't *be* a next time - I can't keep living hand-to-mouth like this.

In addition to the incredibly loving and cheery e-mails from my boyfriend, I have been comforted this week by my dream-life. I dreamt the other night a dream so convincing, that for 20 minutes or so after I woke up I was sure my dream was related to a memory - It's so eerie when that happens, I love that feeling!

In the dream, I was reuniting with an old friend whom I met at Presbyterian Youth Art Camp as a teenager. It was thrilling to see him all grown up and we related news of all the other campers we had kept up with over the years, and explored the old dorm we had stayed in at the time. My memory of the camp experience was SO REAL. But of course, I never went to Presybterian Youth Art Camp. I was remembering an old dream I'd had about 7 years ago.

Isn't it strange how your mind stores dreams like memories - You won't remember your dream at all, until you have a new dream that recalls it, or in your waking life you won't remember until you have de-ja-vu, or you see or smell something that takes you back to your dreamscape . . .

Tonight I am staying at work late writing in my diary trying to avoid "game night" at my house - wherein my roomate gets all our friends to play board games stone cold sober! I'm sure when I finally get there I'll have a good time, it's always good being with friends, I'm just rarely in a board game mood. Usually when I am in a board game mood, it hits me spontaneously, like during a vacation with my family, or when I'm home sick.

But I'm really looking forward to going to Mona's bowling party tomorrow! It's going to be at this bowling alley in Eagle Rock where you can not only bowl, but sing karaoke in their dive bar! The drinks are only $2.75! Last time I went was a few weeks ago with my girls and Dean. The highlight of the evening for me, by far, was when Dean got up and sang his Tres Dean version of "Billie Jean" by Micheal Jackson. CLASSIC! I LOVE DEAN! I had a really great time that night, we were all in great spirits. Tomorrow night is going to be especially fun, since Mona asked her friends to all come dressed in high style bowling attire, or to come as your favorite character from a Bowling movie (Big Lebowski, etc.).