2007-05-08 - 12:41 p.m.

Don't get me wrong - I am sooo GRATEFUL to Dean's parents for the home and so excited by it. But it is because I am so grateful to them that I am so disappointed at all the delays. They are eager to sell the condo we are living in now, to help pay for the costs of the home, but we can't put the condo up for sale until we are moved into the new place. And Dean's parents entrusted me with hiring the contractors and getting the home ready for us to move into, and so I am concerned that they will be disappointed in me, that I am the one ultimately responsible for the delays because I didn't choose the most efficient contractors and I wasn't forceful enough in conveying to them the necessity of speediness.

And I am so eager to be with Dean in the new house. It is so lovely, and so romantic. I love Dean with all my heart and I can't wait to live with him there. So I guess I'm a bit depressed about the delays because I'm eager for us to start our new life there, and in the meantime it feels like we're in a state of limbo, an eternal waiting period. And to top it all off I'm not working on my book or any of my other projects because I just don't have the space in our condo or in my mind to start anything new while I have the house and moving process still ahead of me. I feel unproductive.

If I had it to do all over again I would do things differently -- But I have to go a little easy on myself because this is our first home and I didn't have any experience with home improvements before so I didn't really know what I was doing when we started this. I didn't really know how to choose a good contractor, since they all seemed to tell me the same things. And I can't be too down on the contractor because he and his crew are very hardworking - and they're already halfway through the job, so it's not like I can get a new one.

I've learned alot through this experience, though. The main cause for the delays are that we didn't know exactly what we wanted going in to the project, and I didn't realize that some materials take so much time to order, so the original tile we chose turned out to be the wrong product, and 2 weeks ago we had to go back to the drawing board and pick out new tile, which takes 3 weeks to order - but either our contractor is a bit lax or I just don't have a grasp on the slow pace of how things get done because I just found out today that the tile is just being ordered today - which means we're still 5 weeks away from being able to move in. Argh! If I had to do it all over again I would have researched everything we needed way before the project started and I would have had it all ordered before we even got the house - but I guess I was a bit niave going into this and just trusted that my contractor would handle this stuff for me - Now I know it was really up to me to get this information and motivate my contractor. Lesson learned - the hard way.

I know it sounds silly to be griping about delays, when I should just be grateful this is happening at all, and believe me, I'm grateful - but I'm just so eager to have my happy life with Dean in our happy little house - but I really feel like I've let Dean's parents down in not managing this project properly, and I'm really impatient to get on to the next phase of my life.

Oh well - Se La Vie (sp?) - This is how life goes sometimes, I just gotta roll with the punches and go with the flow and think of some way to productively use the next 5 weeks of my life without going crazy with impatience. Maybe this is a good time to do some spiritual preparation for our new life.