2000-06-28 - 06:07:03

When I entered the apartment this time I found that Larissa�s friends had changed � instead they were now a group of Larissa�s old friends, all of them mad cool chicks, none of whom I had ever met before. We started hanging out and I noticed that my �acid eyes� were beginning to act up � I was seeing things a bit brighter and more fluid than normal. One of Larissa�s friends was a photographer and she brought out an album of photos she had taken of women, some nude and some clothed, all the photos were artistic and Larissa was one of the subjects, the photo was taken of her nude with long curling hair � but a couple of the photos were obviously old and were taken of women in outdated attire, our mother�s generation, but taken when they were young women � It was strange to me that Larissa�s friend who appeared in her early 20s had taken this photo �

Then Larissa brought out a photo for us to look at and it was a regular 3x5 glossy color photo � but as I looked at it the picture played like a short video. I asked Larissa if I was seeing things and she indicated to me that yes, I was seeing things, but that she was seeing this too and she had known that we would see this.

At that moment I was awoken from my dream, literally, due to the sound of a loud ruckus outside � I looked out and saw fireworks! Someone had lit off fireworks and as I looked closer I saw that it was Larissa and Leslie (this is just the sort of thing they would do, Larissa keeps fireworks in the trunk of her car) So I swear I saw Leslie standing around like she had just lit them and I saw Larissa�s car parked in the little park outside, all I could see was the bumper-stickered back end of it. I really believe I saw this, because I immediately put my sandals on, grabbed my cigarettes, and ran out to meet them. As I ran so hard I fell on the sidewalk and scraped my knee good, till it bled but I didn�t even feel it until I came back up to the apartment moments later. So I ran to the edge of the park and yelled �Wait!� but when I looked again I saw no car, no one � there was a dude dressed in black at the other side of the park, a punk type � and as I thought about this thing more clearly I think I must have seen this guy from his stance I must have assumed he was Leslie, and I must have mistaken the reflective surface of the picnic table as Larissa�s car �

I just find it so absolutely strange that my eyes could play such tricks on me � that I could actually see vividly what I wanted to see out there so much so that I would make haste to run out and join Larissa and Leslie. And I find it odd that I would feel no pain with my knee for many moments. It makes me question where the sleeping world ends and the waking world begins. Was my skin still asleep so as not to feel pain? Is pain something our waking mind invents to protect us? Could reality as we know it or see it change vividly before our eyes as it does in a dream state, if only we would let it in our waking lives? Or am I just becoming more prone to vision lately? Is vision a good thing or am I going crazy?

The other night me and Jim and Larissa went out drinking in Decatur Cemetery � We brought along the bottle of Southern Comfort that Jim had brought me as a birthday present. I had had a few whiskey sours at the bar earlier that night, but wasn�t sauced. Before the bottle of SoCo was even open � as we were finding a spot to sit, I saw two black things streak through the sky in front of me. I saw one first and then as I stared in disbelief I saw a second. The images were small, bigger than a bird, not a bird or a bat or any flying creature, but a black shapeless shadow/form about the size of a bread box. It streaked across my vision, appearing about 10 feet in front of me and 25 feet up in the sky and it streaked from that point down in an ark which disappeared within my line of vision about 2 feet from the ground. The second streak was similar but not in exactly the same path. The speed was extremely quick. What was this? Not a creature. Was this a fabrication of my own mind or eyes, a mistake? It was so clearly in front of me that I doubt that. I asked Larissa about this and she said she had seen such things before, often. She was non-plussed when I described this to her.

Jim has been having visions too � he has seen Larissa appear to him briefly in another form, as another woman � Larissa has caught glimpses of herself in this manner as well and believes it could be her sister (who died at birth) that is a part of her � So this leads me to question whether Larissa�s influence has anything to do with visions. Is she a shaman, a woman meant to bring vision to those around her? Or are visions possible for anyone who cultivates this in themselves and we happen to be opening our minds to doing so? Or is there a physiological floodgate opened in your mind after having done hallucinagens in the past? Neither Jim nor I have done acid since last August before our trip to Canada � I really don�t think that has anything directly physically to do with it but it is a consideration in terms of mind-opening.

As an addendum to my previous thoughts about Jim and Larissa being meant for each other � I believe they really are because of the way they connect spiritually � Larissa does bring out the spiritual in Jim and I don�t think anyone else touches that for him � and noone else has ever been able to see Larissa the way he does.