2000-08-06 - 00:02:54

Ryan called today. He was friendly and warm to me and said that he missed me. I know he was calling to speak to Larissa, but he was glad to speak to me and we had a good conversation. He told me how it's been hard to call here because Jim answers the phone - and he says its like if Larissa called him and Kerry answered. It upsets him he says. He said that he's been having a rough time of it and I told him how I hadn't called or written him because I wanted to give him space and he said that's what he wanted. And then he told me about her.

He said that he had a new girlfriend. He actually used the word "girlfriend." He said it was strange for him and that he didn't know what he wanted out of their "relationship." He said they hadn't officially determined that they were in a relationship, or that she was his girlfriend, but that's how they are to each other and that's how he considers them he said.

He's only known her 3-4 weeks. He said that they met in their apartment complex and he went home and slept in her bed the first night - and he's been sleeping in her bed ever since. And he said she makes him happy, that she's a distraction. So that's all I know.

Of course over the phone I responded positively, and I do want Ryan to be happy and believe me I understand a distraction (Brandon? Steve? Finn?) so I am glad that Ryan has someone who cares about him and makes his days easier and brighter. And I do hear in Ryan's voice how much he is struggling and I know how much it must mean to him to have someone there in person with him who can give him affection and understanding. I think I'm going to finally write him another letter.

Ryan and Leslie. She has a name now and it's Leslie. And Leslie is Ryan's girlfriend. I guess that's what he's wanted all along. A girlfriend. Now he has Leslie.

He was talking to me and then at the end he kind of hurried off the phone - I heard him whisper Hi Leslie and I heard a kiss-smack. Yuck.

I want to go to Colorado and be alone.