2000-09-03 - 21:10:15

I wake up with the whole day stretching in front of me and I'm excited to be alone and have time to write and think. Yay, I think I'm gonna have some me-time and I'm gonna play guitar and read and write and feel good about my life and myself.

In actuality what I end up doing is checking my email 6 billion times to see if I have gotten any mail from La who is still far away.

Then I surf web diaries for a while. Then I re-read all my past diary entries for the zillionth time.Then I re-read all my past letters to and from La for the umpteenth time.

Then I check my email to see if I have gotten anymail from La who is far away, for the trillionth time.

Then I smoke a cigarette.

Then I walk around the house and check my voice mail to see if anyone called while I was online.

Then I defrost chicken, because it reminds me of La who is far away. La likes chicken. Then I survey all the spices in the cabinet that were bought by La who is far away and think to myself that I'm going to miss these spices when they are no longer in the cabinet (La is taking them with her soon) I will miss them even though I've never even used a single one of them and I don't even know that they taste like. (Except the cumin. I have a semi-familiarity with cumin.)

But then I realize I'm taking myself on a lonely trip when I could be doing my happy writing mediating guitar playing me-time thing. So I figure I'll get around to that, as soon as I just check my email one more time to see if I get a message from La who is far away.

Hooray, I get an email from her! Now I really really really miss her. Time to write another email to her, then start checking my email obsessively again to see if she writes me back.

This is it. This is my life.