2000-09-22 - 01:20:12

And Jim is getting into school after all! Yay! I'm not totally celebrating yet because we haven't heard for sure, but it's looking real good . . . His school would start October 1st in LA. I admit, I doubted, but the people at the school say his application looks good and as soon as they receive faxes of his transcripts, they expect to admit him. So if everything works out *crossing my fingers* Jim will leave Monday to drive to Gulf Shores, his parents will agree to pay, and then he'll fly to California this weekend to start school Monday. Of course he's got no place to live there, but he's a resourceful chap and I think this kind of utter shock will teach him to live on his own for the first time. I'm scared for him too, of course I am, but this is his plan and really its going to be tough, but it can be done. I have faith.

But I will miss him . . . I feel a small sadness and I know that will grow stronger when he is gone. I'm all of a sudden confronted with him leaving abruptly again and its really strange. I'm not his girlfriend anymore, there isn't the pain of anything ending between us, but I'm used to living with him and I will miss his presense, I will miss the constant sound of music being made in the living room, I will miss having him always ready to go out for a drink, I will miss the baconbits in the refrigerator and the porn mags in the bathroom, I will miss the beautiful halfnaked Jim lying stretched across my couch to commiserate with me when we have hangovers, I will miss Jim. Again.

It hasn't hit me about Larissa leaving yet, our drive to California stands before my like a spectacular sunlit mirage as if we will be riding off into the sunset, it hasn't hit me that my life will go on afterwards, or what my life will be like when BOTH of them are gone.

I can't wait to find an apartment -- until I do I won't be able to visualize myself and my life in the new place, I won't be able to plan my days or think about who I am without a context to put it in. I am also looking forward to finding a place to put my saris up, to be my home, MY home . . .

Tonight my plan is to finish making Larissa's birthday present and sleep with it . . . I am making her something that I first got the idea for when we were in New Orleans in Marie Leveaux's voodoo shop. In India or Tibet (I can't remember which, offhand) when a person moves into a new home they have this rope with bells attatched to it that they take with them into the new home--and as you walk through the home with this the bells ring and it is to oust any evil spirits that might be there. I made Larissa one, I bought little bronze bells in the shape of shells that really are from India, and then I wove them into a rope I braided from strips of material cut from the red satin sheets of my bed, and I'm attatching ribbons tonight of strips of material cut from the silver satin of Larissa's old bedsheet - Then I'm going to sleep with it to infuse purity and love into the gift . . . I think she will dig it.

She gave me her bowl yesterday, her silver bowl, the bowl she had before I gave her the blue pottery bowl last year for her altar. In the bowl she placed 2 tarot cards from her deck, the Hermit and the Queen of Pentacles, the cards that have become representative of me . . . She said not to separate the cards because she cast a spell on them . . . I am honored and want to return this gift with one of equal love and spell, to ensure Larissa has a pure safe joyful loving start to her new life.