2001-01-30 - 07:50:09

NO LIE!!!

I never watch TV. It was the first time I had ever sat through a whole episode of Montel Williams. There was this commercial for Montel asking viewers to call in if they wanted to be reunited with their first love, or lost love for Valentine�s Day. So I was feeling very silly and spontaneous and so I called and left a message about my first highschool boyfriend Jeff, saying I�d love to see him again.

Jeff and I were boyfriend and girlfriend in the 9th and 10th grade. We weren�t old enough to drive, so his older brother used to drive us around in his car and drop us off. We would go for dates at this old soda fountain in my small hometown, which has since closed down. We broke up because I guess Jeff got bored of me in one of those 14 year old boy fits of malaise, and we were friends from then on. We were on the speech team together and always looked out for each other. By the end of my senior year we got close again and he used to come to my house and borrow my skirts. Jeff was the first boy in school to push the envelope. He was the first to listen to Miles Davis. He was the first to smoke pot. He was the first to read philosophy. And he was the first to cross-dress. I did love him dearly. He came to my house one night and made a pass at me and I turned him down (??? I don�t know why either???) and then we were just close best friends until I left for college. I only saw him one night after that and I was dating another guy and I acted like a goober. I sent him an email once last year and he replied to me that since I had seen him six years earlier, he had slept with 10 women but I was still the only girl he ever really loved.

Awwwwww.

So the people from the Montel Williams show they called me again yesterday and got all my info on Jeff and asked them to email me the email Jeff sent me and email them a picture of myself. So I did and they called me again today and said that she had spoken to Montel and showed him my picture and he wanted me on the show! All that is left to do is to find Jeff. So she asked me more questions today and was saying that she was trying to find him . . . If she finds him and he has a serious relationship (which I doubt) then they won�t go through with it because it would be a bummer, and she says Montel says he wants to make a �love connection� Montel is a romantic. And she says that she�s not going to tell Jeff who it is - she�ll say that it will be to reunite you with a friend from highschool, college, or an old coworker. Then she called back and left a message later tonight saying she had some interesting news for me and she�d like me to call her as soon as possible tomorrow.

CRAZY!!!

I am still in disbelief and I am not counting any chickens, because they may not be able to find Jeff, but if they do . . . well then I�ll be seeing him on Valentines day on the Montel Williams Show!

So I am being chill. I really don�t think this kind of thing really happens to people like me, but on the otherhand --

It really would be good to see Jeff again. Even if it weren�t romantic. Even if all that happened was I got to see him for one afternoon and see who he�s become. It would make me so happy. I have such a fondness for him and I know if this thing doesn�t go through, I probably will never see him again. I�ve tried getting in touch with him, but he�s been hard to find -- and you know i have my life to live and all. This is just a crazy fluke thing that may just very well be my destiny . . . who knows? The range of speculation here is enormous, I�m trying to keep my mind grounded on knowing that our friendship in highschool meant something to me and I�d like to see an old friend.

WOW It just goes to show you that life has a way of surprising you. Jules Renard once said "Look for the Ridiculous in everything, and you will find it" and you know what? the more I look at my life the more I think - this whole living thing - this whole life thing - its absolutely absurd!! So we might as well recognize that and have a good ol'time.

My preparations for my move are going well. There is a girl named Barbara that Chrissie knows in LA who really needs my apartment here. She called me and she�s going to move out here in March and take over my lease and inherit all my furnishings, so I won�t have to move!! Wow that is a huge load off my mind, and I feel good knowing I will have done her a good turn too. I talked to Dad and he�s excited about me coming there -- The only thing I have left to do really is email my lovely sister - and break the full-on news to her.

I watched Henry and June last night. On a shallow-note - Its one of the most erotic movies ever made and was completely banned from the theatres in America - so I�m going to show it to Dan tomorrow night over a bottle of wine :) But on a deeper note - The people in it play Anais Nin and Henry Miller and his wife June and the way they interact is so full of Drama and Tension and Pleasure - I think if I had seen this movie a year ago when all the shit was going down in my life things would have been very different. So I�m glad I didn�t see it. Because my role in all the drama (for the most part, I�m not saying I didn�t cause my share of drama) was to be the good-girl - My role was to calm people down, make everything ok, compromise, deny temptation and foster friendship. I am only friends with all my peeples to this day because I wove us together through friendship and supression of anger and strife and drama and tears. And it is a good thin because I�m glad that Larissa Jim and Ryan are my best friends for life - and if I had seen this movie I would have been more prone to the joy of the pain of following your passion and I would have been a different girl and I would have been out of control and I wouldn�t be happy today. So I�m glad I saw the movie, it reminded me of a girl I used to know back in the day, and not seeing it has helped me keep my friends my friends.