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2001-06-09 - 9:33 p.m. I'm with my mom in a swank hotel in Louisville Kentucky while she attends the General Assembly meeting of the Presbyterian Church USA - She's to be commissioned in a worship service tomorrow as an official "Mission Co-Worker" which means she's going to be officially called to her ministry in Romania in the orphanages. I saw the 20/20 episode on Romanian orphanages that aired last night and I just bawled. It has made me question all my beliefs about my life calling over and over again . . . because how can I want to be a movie star or a writer/songwriter like Bob Dylan, when there are children out there literally going crazy because they're tied to their beds, fed gruel twice a day, and are not stimulated or shown any human kindness at all - it makes these children grow up to be total vegetables, or street people - its just awful.But really I know that I've got to continue with the goals I've set for myself right now, and offer my time and money and energy to help others in addition to my own life, not instead of it -- But it makes me even more PROUD of my mother who is going to live there for 3 years and love the shit out of those kids. I had a little scare with my diary today. Got an email regarding a mixup about an old entry being mistaken to be about a friend of mine, Steev. I think in my heart of hearts I knew this was coming. I met someone who talked to me about Hunter S. Thompson, his favorite author that set me to thinking about him -- and I've been having dreams about him the last 4 nights . . . One in which I was climbing towards him on a sea-cliff (led by his friend Sean as a guide) but never reached him. Another where I was dating a friend of his (noone I know from real life)but I was secretly in love with Steev. We wanted to marry, but I was being manipulated or under the control of his friend and couldn't leave . . . I can't remember the others, all I remember is I woke up knowing I'd dreamt about him, and about loving him. Its strange. I don't know how I feel about him, I only know that I must see him again. So I guess my dreams were premonitions of the emotional involvement going on here over distance and miles. I really shouldn't care about this at all -- Yet I do. Why? Is it because the Steev and his girl's relationship reminds me of Ryan and Leslie? Is it because I really care about Steev? Is it because I can't stand the thought that someone out there hates me? Is it because my safe-haven in diaryland may not be safe after all? Hmmn. One thing is for certain. The hotel I'm staying here in Louisville ("The Galt" has a lounge (on the 25th floor with a view of the Ohio River) that serves over 100 kinds of Kentucky Burbon. I'm gonna go have me a nice fat Bourbon. After all, I am in Kentucky :) previous /next |
