2001-11-21 - 3:25 a.m.

So i hung out with Katie and had a good time. There's a break in the evening when the host of the event regularly announces "Jokes for Beer" - If you go up on stage and tell a good joke, then the host gives you a ticket for a free beer. I never have a good joke. But week after week I get up and tell a bad joke, on the off chance that he'll be inclined to give me the beer anyway. Sometimes he does.

Tonight I was just plan run out of jokes. So I told an old "Yo'Mama" Joke. In fact, all I said into the microphone was this:

"Yo' Mama so stupid, she thought Menapause was a button on the VCR." That's all I said. No one laughed. But tonight the prizes were bigger than beer! The host has always been friendly with me. Tonight he awarded me a $25 dollar gift certificate to a local record store!! It just goes to show - everything is worth a try. You never know -- you just might win.

So then I was hanging out with Katie and her gang. All the boys we regularly hang out with have girlfriends, but they're alot of fun. Tonight one of them brought to the table someone new -- a newcomer to town who is here to make some kind of a demo. He's a singer/guitarist, from New York. He wasn't particularly handsome, but I found him attractive in a Jeff Casey (the Montel Williams boy) sort of a way, in that he was well groomed, and put off a very sexy vibe, but not because of his physical features, he was sexy because of how he carried himself.

So M and I hang out. We get to talking. It was one of the best conversations I have had in weeks. We talk about spirituality, and dreams, and music, and he told me he met Jimmy Page once when he was 19 and he told me the story of that, but alas in my drunken haze i have forgotten . . . and M and I connected in a real way, about having a mission in life, and a message, and about the collective unconcious of the universe, and he had such a large vocabulary and I just enjoyed talking with him so much. He invited me back to his apartment to smoke up, or to get his weed so we could go driving and see a view of Vancouver, which he isn't familiar with yet. He was really pumped about the view.

So at the end of the night, everyone had left except Katie and me and M. And G shows up (the no-condom dude from 2 weeks ago) and he lays down a beer in front of me. He wanted to buy me a drink. I was appreciative, but man, he is 2 weeks late with that one. I invited G to sit with us but he declined.

When we left the bar, M decided he'd rather sleep than go out. He had to go to the studio the next day, and thought better of staying out all night. I asked him if there was any way I could talking him into going out after all . . . I was being playful, but I honestly dug him and wanted to have more time to talk to him. He asked me, with a straight face, if when we got to the lookout on the mountain if I would sit on his lap and ride him. What the fuck??!!! I said I didn't think so. He said he just had a vision flash in his mind, and wondered if it was supposed to come true.

So he asked for my number and I gave it to him, he put it in his cell phone. I'm so confused because on the one hand, I dig this guy and all I am looking for honestly is some decent conversation and someone to go to the cemetary with. But everytime I think some guy is cool he pulls this bullshit on me with sex! I like sex as much as the next girl, but all i ask is that a guy comes on smooth - Don't come right out and be a jerk about it! I'm not trying to meet the love of my life in a bar, quite to the contrary I have made up my mind against it -- but isn't anyone else in the world interested in meeting someone just for pure interest and inspiration and conversation?

So M left and I gave G a ride home anyway, just to be nice. Katie was an exceptionally wonderful friend -- she told G I was staying over at her place to get me off the hook with him, so I could decline driving him home without being rude. She is such a good friend to me! Thats what girl-friends are all about! But I agreed to give G a ride home anyway, since it was on my way.

On the ride, G asked me straight away what my thoughts were the next day, after I slept over at his place. I was honest. I told him that I thought he was a good artist, and an attractive person, but that asking me to have sex without a condom was a total turn-off, and I was shocked he had suggested it. I told him it freaked me out. He was so apologetic, and went on for some time about what a dumb horny guy he had been, and how sorry he was. It was very satisfying, hearing him apologize so profusely.

I dropped G off outside his apartment and he invited me in. Of course, I declined. He wanted to know if we could date, he liked me and wanted to see me again. It was satisfying, to know that he found me attractive, I have to admit. And I was friendly with him, and wished him good luck, and told him I'd see him again at the club next week, but I was clear that we weren't ever going to "date" again. But it made me feel so good to know that I had told him exactly why, so he knows exactly how he disrespected me. Maybe he won't make the same mistake with other girls.

I have written this whole thing, and it feels strange, because I realize that I mostly write in here about boys and dating and that kind of a thing, and it is only one tiny part of my life -- but I guess that's what this diary is for in the end -- to give me a place to write about my cheesyness that I don't manifest in the rest of my life . . .