2002-11-04 - 2:58 p.m.

IT was gunshots fired on the sidewalk in front of my building. 5 shots. I heard them. I asked around if other people in my office heard them. No one else heard them, or thought they weren't shots anyway. So I ran out the back of the building where the high school students congregate. The kids were making their way to the front of the building, saying that someone just got killed. Their tone was very matter-of-fact. When I got to the front, there was a crowd of kids, and a couple of teachers yelling at them to get back inside. I didn't see a body. But I ran up the steps to my office and was freaked out and on the verge of tears anyway. Then we got the call from the principle of the high school that no one was hurt, but that our building was on a lock-down. I can hear the police sirens now.

My boss yelled at me for going outside after I heard the shots. "Hillary, don't you know better than that? NEVER go outside when you hear shots!" She's right, I know, but it pissed me off that she yelled at me because it feels like I'm the only one in this organization that gives a god-damn. I know that's not true, but you'd think she'd react with compassion to me, instead of yelling at me. I couldn't help but run out there, I wasn't sure it was gunshots. Now I know better for next time.

Last week, while I was on vacation, there was a drive-by a half a block away and a student from the highschool where I work was killed. I gave a check for 10 dollars to his family, that was all I could afford. His poor mom.

I got to get a new job, Yo.