2002-11-14 - 3:47 p.m.

"Be happy where you live, and eat what you have."

I don't like LA, but I'm happy where I live.

I spent the weekend in Santa Cruz with Dean, and it was completely relaxing - I am totally myself around him, and everytime I burst into a cheesy song or make a bad pun, or go off on a tangent extolling the virtues of semiology - he stops and says "I love you!" and he means it. I've never felt so relaxed about being myself before.

And I had some moments of clarity this weekend, the kind of clarity you get when you are completely rested - I've been so busy on the go, traveling, then exhausted, i hadn't had time to just be. And after 2 days of being with Dean, just sleeping and waking and kissing and sleeping, on the 3rd day i had finally bounced back into myself - and i realized that I have everything I need. I guess I always had but I was never in a place to notice before -

What I mean is, I'm young. I'm educated. I've got a healthy body. I have transportation. I have friends. I have love. I have a place to live. I have ideas. Not only am I happy, but my base is completed, my foundation, I'm ready to build. To build a future for myself. and a relationship. And a body of work. A little at a time. An article here. A protest there. A magicful night. A busy day. All adding up to this great life I'm starting to live, I'm enjoying, I'm not afraid will dissappear, I accept, I look forward to, I'm making, and a future I know is possible.

I went out with Victoria and Larissa the last couple of nights - I'm really glad that they reconnected, it feels good to have a circle of friends who dig each other - and Victoria's going through a real spin cycle this year, like what I went through the last couple of years ago, and she's still in the middle of it - And I saw at the same time I saw me and Larissa and realized how far we've come, how we're each so much more lighthearted, grounded, ready for life than ever before.

Speaking of ready -- I'm REALLY EXCITED about the METEOR SHOWER that's supposed to happen Monday Night/Tuesday Morning - about 2:30 am Eastern is going to be the peak they say. I saw the shower last year on the same day and it was INCREDIBLE. This year they say it will be even BIGGER! But it won't come again for 35 YEARS. So Dean's coming down, and we're going to drive out to the middle of nowhere, and we're going to get to watch the stars fall together . . . What a great time to be alive!