2002-12-01 - 3:46 a.m.

And Vancouver has stayed beautiful. The weather was clear the whole time I've been here, and so everything has felt crisp and bright.

I remembered tonight what I love about Vancouver. Driving and driving across the roads that have no stoplights, and crossing the 2nd Narrows bridge in the fog that I once walked across with my Arctic friend. The roads were automatic to me and driving has never felt so right. What a free and beautiful city.

I went to see Katie and it was as if I had never left - we got along like crazy and it felt good to slip back into an old friendship - the kind where you just dig each other to the toes and you don't have to explain yourself and you can just laugh together.

She showed me the pictures from New Years in San Francisco with my friends and they were crazy and fantastic. Me with a cowboy hat sitting on the hood of my car with a bag of fritos and an empty can after we'd cooked frito pie on the engine of my car. Jim, La, Leslie, Chrissy, Morgan, Me and Katie with huge smiles and Katie with her feather boa on New Year's Eve. Numerous pictures of the nipple and belly shots we'd done in the hotel in Santa Cruz - just the kind of photos that would sully a campaign for public office! Excellent! I have to get copies of the photos - they're the happiest pictures my friends have ever taken together.

And I realized from going back that Katie has become for me one of my classic friends. (I use the word Classic in the "Coca Cola Classic" sense of the word - definitely the real thing, irreplacable and not a fad)

I did not call Pat. Previous to the trip I wasn't sure if I would or not. I decided I would decide how I felt when I got here. And when I got here all I thought only of Dean. And I realized that there was no point in calling Pat, allthough I'm sure he would have made a point to see me had I called.

The thing about it was, it wasn't a sacrifice at all. Like I wasn't thinking "Oh, I got a boyfriend, I shouldn't call Pat." It was like, "What purpose could I possibly have for calling Pat?" and "Isn't it strange but I have no desire to call him."

But of course I did ask Katie about him because I was curious what happened after I went to LA. She said he started dating seriously someone right away he'd known before me. Which is as it should be. It's nice to finally know, and to know it wasn't because of the incriminating photos or anything (ha, ha!)

It was also good to talk to Katie about life. She's settled down alot in the last year, too, and it makes me feel better about my having put my binge days behind me. It's all part of growing up for all of us, and Katie's learning the same things as me, which not only means we're well suited for friendship but it also comforts me that I'm not going boring.

But we did have a couple of cocktails (Jack and Gingers) and Katie always seems to boil things down to the simplest level which is what makes it so easy to have fun around her. "Cocktails are good, ergo one should have a couple when one wants to" is the lesson.

Katie also has a strong work ethic, and it was good for me to hear that too, I need reminding sometimes that I should respect my well-paying job more (even if I'm looking for another). Hard work really does pay off, even if you're a secretary or a deli clerk. And Katie is able to hold down 2 jobs and work on her Marketing degree part time, too. There is no reason why I can't hold down 1 job, 1 boyfriend, and discipline myself to write a little too.

In other news, my father bought me clothes for Christmas and is going to get me an airport base station for my computer so I can get on the internet. On top of the fact that he brought me to Vancouver and was completely pouring love on me for 4 days. I truly have so much to be thankful for - and my family and their generosity is so great, it's an almost overwhelming experience to realize how fortunate I am.

"Unto whom much is given, much is expected." My family expects nothing from me - but I feel so blessed I know that I have to do something good for the world.

And Dean called me, international all the way from Vegas, and he's so generous with his affection, so pure in that way - I am so happy and blessed to have him in my life.

Wow, I have alot of blessings to count!

After the awful Thanksgiving in Vancouver a couple of years ago, Thanksgiving week and ESPECIALLY Thanksgiving in Vancouver held an air of doom and dread for me. And I've had such a wonderful experience this week - Thanksgiving no longer has a bad name. I do believe the Thanksgiving frown has just been turned upside down!