2003-07-29 - 6:18 p.m.

So just to catch up on the events of the last month (as a reminder to myself in my old age just how much was really going on for me this summer):

First - WE GOT THE HOUSE!

Angelino Heights turned out to be way way way cooler than I had any idea. The whole neighborhood is historic, with victorian houses, and the neighbors are reall historic activists. I met some of them at the Lotus festival and they were trying to get people to join their club to bring back the old trolley to the neighborhood. Meanwhile, the rest of the neighbors are young artist-types like ourselves. We went to the closest grocery store to our house and saw a lot of like souls. I don't know why I was soo sketched out by Echo Park before I moved here -- it's really great! I swear, Echo Park is going to be the next Silverlake, it's about to blow up!

So we moved in the 12th of july. The first two weeks of the month were spent packing, cleaning, and fretting about the move.

The night before the move, we cut loose and went to Mona Nova's party. I have to say, it was the very best party I've been to in LA! Her boyfriend is a photographer so the guests were tres interesting models and photographers and Mona herself was as glamourous yet warm and welcoming as always. The very best people from the party were her old friends from San Diego, and it felt so great to meet some good people. We definitely made new friends. We were exhausted the next day for our move, but the party was worth it!!

On moving day, Jim and Ryan came to help me and Les and La and the move went very smoothly -- Jim and Ryan worked like DOGS! And they were so fun and sweet all day. I don't know what we would have done without them.

All the other people who were to help us move chickened out (of course). It just further proves to us "that we ain't in the south no mo'." Dude, if we were still in the South, people would have come from far and wide to help us. That's just what you do there - you OFFER to help people move (even when they don't ask!) because it's the NICE thing to do. And then whenever you need people to help you, you can count that they'll come because you helped them! I swear La and I helped 5 people move this year and none of them came to help us in hour hour of need! But the move went well anyway, so I shouldn't complain.

THEN, I GOT THE JOB AT THE G. MUSEUM!!

I couldn't believe it - I was stunned!! and thrilled!!! So I found out the week after we moved, and I put in my resignation with a week and a half notice and I just started the new job July 21!

The CRAZY part of it all was -- that I had been treated so bad by my former job in the ghetto - and when I went to leave they treated me like GOLD. They BEGGED me to stay. Offered me a 3 dollar raise over what my new job wanted to pay me. Offered to transfer me to a location not in the line of fire. Offered to make me a research assistant instead of a receptionist. Took me out downtown to lunch with all the managers. It felt good! And also very awkward for me - because all the while I was still angry at how I had been treated before -- and I wanted to say something, but of course I thought better of it and opted to keep my shining bridges built up there just in case. But man, I have never had that kind of an exit before!

It's been a week and a half at my new job, and I don't miss the old one ONE BIT. That's how I am positive it was a good move!!

Ahhh the new job -- It's just gorgeous here -- the food is excellent, my boss is perfect, I am respected, it's really beautiful here, I don't have to answer phones, it's really beautiful here, and I get every other friday off so I can drive and see Dean. It just couldn't be better! Honestly, It couldn't!!

Something else that's weird -- The guy I dated last summer who I dropped for Dean -- he works in my same building!! I haven't run into him yet -- but I know it's only a matter of time. I feel that I handled everything very well, and it has been a year, so I know if I see him it will be ok. But still, he was very bitter, it's better to leave sleeping dogs lie as long as they can.

Something else wonderful that happened to me in the last few weeks: Alabama Andrew came to see LEON!! I didn't know if I could swing it -- and i did, and Leon was sooooo happy.

Leon is an 11 year old boy who had been pretty restless and rowdy. He started talking about the staff at my center and asking us about our jobs -- I could tell he was starting to think about his own identity and future. I asked him what he liked to do, and he told me read comics and draw comic book characters! So I gave Leon an art set, and arranged for Andrew to come and see him (since Andrew is a comic book artist). In the last month, ever since we had that talk and he knew Andrew was coming, his whole attitude changed -- he started sitting quietly and drawing instead of being rambunctous and destructive, he started being really sweet and friendly to me (he even drew me a picture!) and he started talking about his talent and acting very special. It was so touching to see. There are a million little stories every day about Leon, I could go on and on, but that pretty well sums it up.

So the big day came, and Andrew and I hadn't talked in 6 months (and we're not really friends anymore, he never contacted me to invite me anywhere, and anytime I have seen him, I have found it very difficult to make conversation. He doesn't put in equal effort into conversation, and I think he's a little boring and stuck up -- but nevertheless it was beyond nice of him to come to south central just to meet Leon! And so really this was a good thing -- he got to see how the other half of LA lives, and we got to hang out a little and retain friendship ties) And Leon was really stand-offish at first because the rest of the kids crowded Andrew and he wanted to see him alone, so after Andrew talked to the rest of the kids he took Leon aside for an hour or so and showed him all his work and gave him a little drawing demonstration, and Leon was THRILLED. His mom was there too, and she was so dressed up for the occassion and supportive of Leon, it was really good to see. And afterwards, Leon kept talking about how he was going to take Andrew's place someday, how he was going to be the next generation, how he was going to be an artist!!

I really believe that the only way to keep kids like Leon out of gangs is to help them develop self-esteem, and give them something to be a part of. Maybe if Leon believes he is an artist with a future, then he will resist gangs because he'll want to be successful. And maybe the positive feedback of feeling proud af drawing will give him some healing and positive flow into his life that will keep him going when other things are negative. Leon has really effected me, and I think that maybe in the grand scheme of things I was meant to work there just to introduce Andrew to Leon. Or maybe just to learn myself from Leon.

So there has been so many fantastic changes in my life, I can't believe it!!

And on top of it all, I have a BED!! my dad bought me a bed for my birthday, from IKEA, and now I'm not sleeping on the cot anymore!! Woo Hoo! I feel like Pinnochi-a who has just been turned from wood into a real girl!!

What a grown-up I have become. I have a good job in a place that I can be proud of. I have car payments. I sleep on a bed. I live in a house, not an apartment. This is progress, i think.

In other news . . . Fourth of July was spent at Dean's snorting the mystery substance that he brought back from JAPAN! It turned out to be a couple of things I'd done before, and it sent us on the most intense trip of my life -- But a good one! Because of the way we ingested it, we were peaking in 2 minutes -- we had NO IDEA what would happen and were genuinely SHOCKED when it occurred! It was so strong that we could do nothing but lay down with our eyes closed.

And then the fireworks were going on outside, and I had wanted to see them, which is why we took it so early, but by that time we didn't need fireworks, everytime I heard the pop the fireworks went off in my head, more brilliant than anything I've ever seen. We kept saying "Happy fourth of July" to each other and I knew we would never ever forget this day, and that 4th of july would hold special meaning for me now. And Dean and I were holding hands, barely touching our bodies together because of how intense it was, and I swear I could feel us vibrating together on the same wavelength. I have never felt such an overwhelming love and trust for another person - I didn't think it was possible but the experienced deepened my feelings for him --

When we could move again we walked around town, and the rest of the night was a very relaxing come-down -- Of course I'm always a little self-concious at times like that and I don't think I was much company to Dean the last few hours, I was so relieved that we were coming down that I wasn't very active, but I think he understood.

We still have one more trip to take together sometime this summer, and I am looking forward to it! And I also think it will be my last. I enjoy myself in that space but I don't think I'm learning anything new anymore, and it can feel like a lot of hassle keeping yourself together during the experience if you're not feeling rewarded as much in return. But I'm DEFINITELY thrilled Dean and I did it. That's got to be one of the craziest things I think Dean or I has ever done! I mean, he brought it back from JAPAN!

Does anyone read this? Should I be talking about this in a public place?

Aaah, screw it :)

Dean told me last week he would like me to live with him next year. I hope I get into grad school and get to be there. And If so, I think I would very much like to live with him. In fact, I can think of nothing better than to be that close to him.

And TONIGHT Chrissy and Leslie come back from their road trip!! Chrissy has been in Tennessee all month taking care of her paralyzed brother -- and helping the family prepare for their move out here. Leslie flew back a couple of days ago and has been driving back with Chrissy and their stuff. They're due back in town tonight! I didn't realize how close Chrissy and I had become until she was gone -- but I really missed that girl!

I think Chrissy is my closest ally in the household. Not like I need an ally, we're all good friends! But, Chrissy understands me in a way that only she can. She lets me be baaad! She sides with me when I fight with La. Which I have to say feels good -- even though the fights are silly and Chrissy doesn't say anything at all to La and I love La and would hate for her to know I said that. But this is my diary, right? Then I will admit that I appreciate having someone who will see my point of view in the cases where La and I get into it. Because La and I talk it out and both admit that we were wrong and we kiss and make up. But some part of me doesn't think I was wrong! And I enjoy having Chrissy to kid with about it later when I want to feel self-righteous.

Damn, it's late! I've stayed late at work an hour to write this! I got to be getting home!

Is there ANYTHING left to write? Just that I haven't been writing, and I want to get back to that -- and that the neighbors in the apartment under me are really cool, young filmakers from chicago, so we have all made some new friends there, too. LIFE IS GOOD!