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2003-09-08 - 6:46 p.m. I'm eaten up inside about something that is none of my business. If only I could really take that to heart, let go of it, really not care, remember that it has nothing to do with me, that would make me feel better. It's only been a day of this so hopefully, after going home to my boyfriend who never fails to lift my spirits and inspire me to be carefree, i will have shaken this off.But today i am frustrated that i have been told a secret. I love to gossip. I hate having to keep a secret. And i hate that i've been put in a position to do so, because my friends are to chicken to be out in the open with their drama. Instead, i am stuck keeping a secret from a friend, who will feel like such a fool when she finds out that everyone has known something and not told her. But it's not my place to tell. It's none of my business. And I'm mad that the drama involvs a friend of mine repeating a pattern in his life. Didn't he learn anything by what we went through? And I'm mad because this is hitting to close to home with me, it is too much like what happened to me before. I want to yell at him and say all the things that I gave him the benefit of the doubt for before. I want to defend my other friend. And I want to yell at 3rd friend and tell her that there is a reason she has so few friends, it's pulling stunts like this. Maybe it will all come out in the wash and I'm the only person who sees this as a stunt. Maybe I'm the only person who thinks this is a betrayal, albeit minor. Maybe I'm the only person who cares about good taste and consideration for others and kindness and rules of friendship. Maybe not everyone is honestly capable of exerting self-control over one's libido. Maybe if my friend found out the secret she wouldn't even care, and I'm mad for her, because i'm protective of her, for no reason. Or maybe i'm mad because it happened to me before, i remember what it felt like to be in her shoes, to find out such a secret, allthough technically the situation was a much bigger deal when it happened to me. But I think if this happened to me, it would still smart. Why can't people be thoughtful and kind towards each other? And if they make mistakes, why can't they just say that to each other, and forgive each other? Why do people do things they KNOW is going to hurt someone else. Why do they feel compelled to cover it up? How dare they treat my friend this way, after what she has done for them. How dare they. previous /next |
