2003-09-15 - 12:58 p.m.

The truly amazing part of this weekend for me was the revelation that came after Dad left.

While my dad was here, he did an impromptu therapy session with one of my friends -- at her request. I adore ISTDP therapy, and I knew it would be helpful to her and I believe my father is an excellent psychologist, one of the best. He has been a psychologist 29 years and over my lifetime I have known many many of his patients to recover from very debilitating traumas. I trust him as a psychologist completely.

Before he left, he diagnosed my friend with a mental condition, one that can be reversed or fixed with therapy. She told me about it last night, and of course she was absolutely LIVID that my father diagnosed her after one session, and told her the diagnosis when it is impossible for him to follow up with her. I respect my friend's opinion, but i know my father wouldn't have told her if he didn't believe 100 percent that it was true, and that it was necessary to tell her. I trust in my father's judgement and goodness.

The revelation is the diagnosis -- and while I know it must be very difficult for her, it is totally freeing for me to know this about her. It's like my whole life just fell into place, the puzzle is complete, the pain of my past has been totally nuetralized. I understand everything now --

And now I am free to truly love my friend without reservation, I can love her completely, and identify the challenges of her condition that have hurt me in the past, and easily let any future stings roll off me like water off a duck's back. I am so excited about how this knowledge will allow me to see her, understand her, be closer with her.

Now, too, I know I'm not crazy, all the challenges about her and our friendship that I noticed were true, i didn't imagine them, and they have a cause and a reason.

I feel so wonderful and full of love!

And I'm exhausted too, because this has been a very emotional revelation for me, one that kept me up all night last thinking and feeling. And I know that this revelation which must be a relief for her, too, is also a very difficult thing to accept and encounter within one's self.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and heal her - spare her the struggle of the next few years -- but the process of her working towards healing in herself can only make her stronger and more special. I know at the end of this long road she just found will be happiness for her, and I am excited to know the truly amazing person she will become -- and I am excited to finally be able to fully love the amazing person I already know her to be.

I hope she will still want me for a friend through all of this, that i won't be a barrier to her progress -- I want to see her through this but I know its a possibility that i could be a reminder of the past to her and I don't want to hold her back. Only time will tell.