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2003-10-29 - 1:19 p.m. Lately my mind has been energized by so many new discoveries and connections . . . I'm trying to learn as much as possible about this planet, and the properties of this planet and time and space here, and what other beings may be around us, and what are the connections between spiritual worlds and the physical world, and what it means to be a human being, and how human beings ought to live. I know this will be a life-long process - but I feel as though I have been on a crash course in learning this year, ever since I met Dean and read the Invisibles and really started to look at the world in a broader way, without cynicism.I'm reading now about Maya Derden and voudoun (voo doo) in Haiti, and am inspired by her example as a woman who believed in her destiny as an artist and set about making her life extraordinary - She started by making experimental films and following her bliss as it led her to Haiti and posession by the loa and friendships with Joseph Campbell and others - and when her life ended young at 44 she had already fulfilled her purpose in this world. I'm want to live an extraordinary life! I want to fulfill my purpose as a human being. I want to learn as much about this world as possible, and enjoy this lifetime as much as possible. I want to become less selfish, self-involved - I want what I do to help others. I want to treat others as beautiful divine beings in human form, and get out of the habits of my conduct that contradict that, or that hinder people from experiencing our divinity - like gossip, drama, unkindness. (This is REALLY HARD to do and I find myself constantly doing dumb shit like getting upset if someone drinks my juice in the fridge or criticizing other people for bad taste in clothes, etc.) I'm still struggling over what to do with my life, but I've finally given up trying to puzzle it through with my mind and instead I'm going to spend the days leading up to the Harmonic Convergance on Nov. 8 with the questions of my future at the back of my mind, I'm going to do a little magick about them and then just let it go and really attune myself to opening up to the world and I think the answers I seek will come to me . . . I'm no longer afraid to use the words magic or magick. As I reflect on my life I see this as a major shift in my thinking! Before, I added a negative connotation to things I didn't understand. Now I realize that the whole world is working on all kinds of principles of energy and love and thought that we haven't begun to understand - but magick works as well as prayer for shaping and changing our world and our reality. I always knew this, but I'm just now admitting this to myself. The more I read, the more I experience my life, the more I understand that it really is all about *LOVE* And I mean that in a purposeful and magical way. The whole world really can be transformed by Love. Love really is the answer. All you need really is love. I think I'm ready to start sharing it! And now I want to relate a story of something that happened to me this weekend that really touched me: Dean and I were laying in his bed wrapped up in each other and just talking, and he said to me "You are my *soulmate*, Hillary!" To which I replied "You are the love of my life, Dean!" and then he said (something to the effect of)"You are the love of ALL my lives, assuming that reincarnation is true and we've lived past lives!" And I realized . . . I have never had a better friend than Dean, someone whom I can exlore magic and Coast to Coast A.M. type things with, I have never loved someone so much as Dean, I trust now that he has really seen and loves even the silly me - I can't imagine being more in love with or compatable with another person - It dawned on me that this really could last *forever*. Wouldn't that be grand? previous /next |
