2003-11-12 - 6:56 p.m.

Meanwhile . . . I am feeling SO creative ever since the Convergence on Saturday. I don't know if it was the convergence or just a positive attitude, but I feel great and am making progress in my heart. Last night I primed the canvas and drew an outline of what will soon be a painting of Leslie. I haven't painted in years, and I've never attempted a portrait, so this is exciting. Good practice. Pretty girl.

The Invisible College is having a get -together tommorrow night celebrating Brazilian culture. How exciting! The Invisible College was only started a few months ago by a man who was friends with Richard Metzger of Disinformation fame, so I'm very curious about it. Plus Brazilian culture is keen.

It's a little known fact that I actually took 2 lessons in capoiera back in Atlanta. I found it highly exciting and intriguing, the idea of mock fights set to music as a cultural ritual of sorts, but I found I wasn't in shape for it, you have to have really strong leg and back muscles. Maybe some day I'll be able to do it! Or another martial art - it's my goal to take a class in some kind of martial art for fitness and zen, but limited finances are holding me back right now.

Saturday was one of my first experiments in codified pop magick (I've been creating my own spiritual expressions and rituals from time to time throughout my life, this is the first time I'm trying something in a way that works for other people). . . I made sigils for:

*Chrissy meeting Joss Whedon

*Increasing my productivity and creativity

*Improving the lives of Romanian Orphans

*Increasing the love in this world!

We'll see if there is any effect . . .

My actual first experiment with a sigil was in June, when Dean showed me how for the first time and I made one for getting a great new job, then I put the sigil over my bed. 1 months later, I got my current one! I really can't tell if the magick had any effect, but magick is really just a force of your own will, and my will was genuinely set on getting a new job . . . I don't want to waste any brain cells figuring it out, because the point is that I received the desired outcome! Anyway, with a positive spirit sigils and any other spiritual thought or experience can only be helpful.

I'm reading the Illuminati trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson again. So good! Reading it reminds me of Brandon, sweet goth dress wearing neuroscientist "you're my black butterfly" Brandon, who once gave me the book to read. He loved it, having never ever done any hallucinagens (before he met me). That surprises me, because I feel like I have to use my "acid brain" to read it.

And at the end of my day, all my love and all my thoughts turn to *Dean* . . .who is like no one else, only more so . . .

The neat thing about this place *right here* is that it's *my diary* and I can be as mushy as I want without fear of teasing. My roomates honestly tease me about Dean! (It's ok, though, I kind of like it. It shows I'm endearing to them) They think I'm supremely cheesy. I know it's all part of the *romance.*