2003-02-10 - 2:00 p.m.

Chrissy was an especially good person to consult, because her family is all Catholic, from Tennessee, and they did NOT want her to be a Lesbian or to be an artist or an actress. But now that she's in LA living her dream and she and Leslie have been together 8 years -- they accept her. They love her and they accept her.

Chrissy told me that one cannot listen to the advice of one's mom, because she's basing it on the mistakes she made in her own life, and in another generation. Just live your life and don't worry what your parents think of you, they will love you and accept you eventually.

The thing I find the most frustrating to combat out of my mom's letter, is the marriage thing. But it really helps knowing Leslie and Chrissy, because they're not "married." But they are happy being together, and they are committed to being with each other. I just don't understand why there is any difference between a heterosexual and a homosexual couple. They should be allowed to get married if they want to -- and there's no reason why Dean and I can't live as happily as Leslie and Chrissy without marriage. The marriage thing is just an outmoded way of thinking about the world and relationships.

And the only successful relationship my mom ever had was with my Dad, and that was totally unhealthy and fucked up and they divorced and she's been celibate ever since! Really, she shouldn't be giving me any advice about my love life!

And she doesn't even know all of me, and she has never even met Dean!

I know she loves me and so she's worrying about me, that's what mothers do. She will stop worrying when she does meet Dean and sees how awesome he is, how much we love each other.

But this has been good for me, the main lesson I have learned here, is to Treat myself good, Trust myself to make the right decisions for myself, Follow my own intuition, Not allow myself to be subjected to someone elses idea of success or happiness. In that mindset, I wrote the following response to my mother:

"Hahahahahahaha! I love you Mom! Somehow I *knew* this is what you would write to me.

Understand that I appreciate the advice, and I respect your opinion, and *I love you*. And I know you are giving me the advice that you think is best for me, because you love me, too. However, my plans to move to Santa Cruz and live with Dean are going forward, just as I wrote you.

I am living my life according to my own definitions of success, and am guided by my own intuition and happiness. I'm happier than I've ever been. And I think moving to Santa Cruz will only bring me more success in my writing, and more happiness.

I look forward to you coming home and getting to spend some time with you, and I look forward to introducing you to Dean. Please know that I love you and I'm thinking of you during this tough time with your work.

Love,
Dreamself"

Leslie told me that a good way to handle this would be to write to her gently like a child- so I wrote that kind of in a humourous tone as if I was writing to a child. I hope this won't upset her, that instead it will lighten the mood.

I guess we'll see!