2004-08-29 - 1:34 p.m.

It feels a little strange for me to go from being around women all the time in LA to having only guy friends -- it's an adjustment. The main differences are the conversations. With my girl friends, the topic of conversation is always people -- what's going on with so&so, what's going on with you, I have this problem and I could use some advice, etc or sex ---and the with this group the main topics of conversation are media-related, comics, films, movies, books, and also politics. I don't have a sense of the deep feelings of anyone in the group -- on the other hand I know how Aaron feels by the little comments he makes that we pick up on but no one outright talks about. I think the thing is that guys only discuss personal things one-on-one, where women will generally talk about personal things to all women in the room, even if some are women they have just met. There's like this code of understanding between women that makes women all univerdally a part of things. Anyway, that's how it has felt to me.

Meanwhile . . .I haven't started a writing project yet and I'm burning to do so! I feel like Santa Cruz is the place for writers, and I have finally come to fulfill my destiny, and I haven't started writing!! But I've been spending alot of time with Dean and it's been blissful and that's also important - I mean, it's still the summertime, after all! I will get busy with a writing project in a couple of weeks . . .

My mom is coming to visit next week - Wish me luck! I love my mother and she loves me, and her e-mails to me have been very friendly and I know she will be on her best behavior and of course she will love Dean when she meets him ( who wouldn't love Dean? He's so likeable! You'd have to be a robot not to like Dean -- and of course a real robot would like him because he's so down with robots, so that would be impossible too) But I'm a bit worried that a week of my mom being here will get on Dean's nerves, and will make me act wonky. I'm allready haveing dreams about her dissapproval. Oh well, it's only for 1 week out of the year! we can get through this!!

Jim and La broke up in the last couple of weeks too and that's been strange for me, just because it sets me thinking about the nature of true love and whether people can make it together or not. I thought for sure Jim and La were meant for each other -- but then I wasn't in the relationship so I can't know what was going on. I just know that I'm going to love Dean everyday like it's the last day of the world, and believe that this bliss will never end, and maybe it will be like a magic spell and this bliss won't ever end . . .