2004-09-18 - 3:34 p.m.

I'm listening to Coast to Coast AM, archived shows from their website, and I'm listening to this interview with Dr. Rick Strassman who wrote DMT the Spirit Molecule, a book about his studies of DMT using 60 test subjects in the mid 90s. I've read the book, and listening to him talk again about what happened to these people on DMT just opens so many doors to thought in my mind -- As you may know, when people take DMT many of them have contact with other beings: Elves, Clowns, Insect beings, or Grey Aliens. People see the same things no matter who they are or where they are -- natives in South America drinking an Ahuasca potion will see the same beings that someone in America smoking DMT or someone in a lab being injected with DMT. DMT lasts only 20 minutes but during that time people are totally transported into a new reality that seems totally real to them.

I have recently had an experience with the perfectly legal type of sage called Salvia. Salvia lasts only 5 minutes - while I was "gone" I felt like my reality was the only one I had ever had, then when I realized there was a normal reality I could go back to, I tried to come back to myself, and this process lasted for what seemed like hours to me -- even though it was only 5 minutes in real time!! I did not meet any other beings, I did Salvia in a group situation and did not try to "let go" of this reality -- but some of my friends have said that they did see Clowns or that they experienced being in the presense of other beings, allthough they didn't see them . . .

So my conclusion is that Salvia must have DMT as an active ingredient

And the questions that arise for me are so many -- What does this mean that our reality is? I mean, Where do you go on DMT? When you meet other beings, where are they? Who are they? What is their purpose? Are you travelling through hyperspace and joining them in their location? Or are they here among us all the time, but we can't see them -- like is our reality actually layered like an onion and we only experience the top layer of its skin? When people have positive experiences and these other beings give advice, are they really in a position to do so? Do they know more than us? Or are all the beings of the universe in this thing together -- are we all just trying to understand each other? Is there a God over all of these many beings, including us? Or is there only a universal spiritual conciousness, like Tao, that we are all a part of? Who are Angels, and where do they come from? Can these other beings experienced on DMT affect our reality -- are they manipulating our world and we can't see it? Should we be trying to awaken our people to this phenomena? Should we be afraid? Or are the places we go on DMT "the other side" and should we, the human race, all be trying to reach a state of enlightenment together, to take our species to this other state of consciousness? Is this what is predicted to happen in 2012?

I am definitely not afraid -- but I do want to spend my lifetime learning as much as I can about what it means to be human, our existance, and all the many things that are out there . . .

Lately I've been thinking alot about purpose in life, too. Last night I watched a Biography of Oprah, and it was actually really cool, she said that she was trying to do as much good as she possibly could in her lifetime. Me, I don't feel like I've ever really "done" anything -- I mean I've had a series of jobs I didn't care much about, and I've known a series of people for whom I cared intensely -- but I haven't contributed in anyway to the world around me, If I weren't here, the people who care about me would miss me, but I don't think I've really made a difference in the world and I feel that I should --- I'm not talking about being well known, I could care less, but I would like to know at the end of my life that I have done something to make the world a better place, that I have helped others in some way, or that I've left behind something that will continue to bring goodness when I'm gone. I don't yet know what I'm going to do about this -- but I know that if I keep thinking on this something will come along.

I've been thinking about my mission in life and I definitely think one part of it is to bring love and goodness to other people. I do try, and I am going to try more consistantly, to try to brighten the world for each person that I encounter in my day. This is at least a baby step . . .

I really do think that the energy you put out changes the world -- Like this weekend there is this big peace dance festival going on in Mendicino or some place that is called Earthdance and its purpose is to get as many people as possible together to dance and put out positive energy for peace!! What a great idea!! They are going to have the largest drum circle in history going on there, they're giving out 3,500 drums to the crowd and they're going to get into the guiness book and everything! It's bringing together the people from Burning Man (I HAVE TO GO TO BURNING MAN NEXT YEAR) and Moontribe and Rainbow Gatherings and all of that -- What a great idea!! I would go, but it costs 100 dollars, and also I just need some peace on my own -- but next year, I am so going to Burning Man!!

This is a whole subculture that I have been on the fringes of, and by fringes I mean not a part of at all, but have friends who are . . . They keep gathering to talk about enlightenment and dance dance dance and bring joy and ridiculousness and environmental awareness and I totally dig them!! But I've just never wanted to be a part of a group, which is why I never go to these kinds of functions, I've never been the type to get involved with a movement or a group -- maybe this is laziness? But also I never feel like I totally fit in with these people . . .

Some of the only people I've ever truly felt like I fit with have been Dean, and a few of my girl friends. . . Maybe because they don't expect me to be anybody other than who I am . . .

Ok, this day has been totally stream of consciousness!! haha

Tonight Lisa from San Fran is headed down to Santa Cruz to see me and I'm so excited. Wish I wasn't so goddamn broke so we could go out on the town! But we'll have fun. I have to thank Barbara for introducing me to such cool people!