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2005-05-19 - 8:22 a.m. Strange Dreams this morning . . . I dreamt I was on some kind of a retreat - like the old youth retreats I went on as a teenager - only this time we were all grown-ups in our 20s - and after the retreat was over a group of us felt really bonded and wanted to get together and work on a creative project - There were 4 of us in the group, 1 of the people was Greg W. from my old youth group (only he was actually really nice to me this time instead of the way he was dismissive of me in high school) and La was also part of the group -- but when we went to meet up at this restaurant, I couldn't go in because I didn't have any shoes. La and I went back to her car to find some, her car was this really cool 80s convertable -and we found all sorts of pairs of pretty flip flops but I couldn't quite manage to get them on my feet . . .Then the dream transformed, and I was outside the restaurant looking for my pink high heeled flip flops, I could see them across the courtyard, and I went and put them on, but then we weren't outside a restaurant anymore we were in the courtyard of some kind of camp / retreat center and there was a church function of some sort going on . . . and instead of meeting up with La and Greg I was looking for Albert (my old friend from Canada). . . And I was really sad, because in the dream Albert and I had gotten married and we really loved each other, but we had never consummated the marraige, and Albert had left me after only a couple of weeks of marraige, I guess to sort things out in his head, and I didn't know when he'd be back And then my mom was there and she was disparaging my marriage and Albert, telling me what a mistake it was, all the time while we were loading up our plates for some kind of potluck supper - But I stood up to my mom kindly but firmly, I told her that whatever happened it was between me and Albert, and that I would never be sorry that we tried things out, and if he never came back I would have no hard feelings towards him -- So what is this about??? I may be thinking of Albert because we're planning to be under the influence on Sunday -- I do think of him sometimes when I am in that state because of our strong trip bond - I would like to always know him just to know that he's happy and doing well. It's nice to know the world has an Albert. I don't know what the prolonged search for shoes was about - Any guesses? The whole thing is strange, because marriage is not even an issue in my life, and of course I am deeply in love with Dean and want a future with him, no one else- How I felt about Albert in the dream is how I feel about Dean in real life . . . And the mom factor -- I guess she's always in my dream whenever I encounter my old state of mind, the person in me who used to criticize or second guess or point out the most moralistic socially acceptable and responsible course of action . . . In real life, my mom can actually be pretty cool, but I think in my dreams she sometimes represents the way of negative or contstrictive thinking that used to go through my mind, the part of me that used to make decisions based on what other people thought, or that used to just make me feel bad for not conforming - Maybe it's her because we used to live in Abilene and I think of it as the "Abilene" way of thinking. previous /next |
